


Raging June

by TauraNorma



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Gryffindor Common Room, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Hospital Wing, Hogwarts Library, Hurt Remus Lupin, Lily Evans Potter & Severus Snape Friendship, Marauders, Marauders Friendship, Marauders' Era, Minor James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Sirius Black's Prank on Severus Snape, Underage Drinking, Unrequited Love, Werewolf Remus Lupin, Young Remus Lupin, Young Severus Snape, Young Sirius Black, whomping willow - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-04-30 20:13:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 32,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14504616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TauraNorma/pseuds/TauraNorma
Summary: The Marauders spin themselves into a dangerous web of obsession, betrayal and attempted murder during a Hogwarts heatwave. The story of the fifth year 'prank' on Severus Snape.





	1. The Burning Book

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I have made two small changes to canon:  
> 1\. The bullying scene by the lake takes place BEFORE Sirius' prank on Snape (rather than after as is revealed to be the case in DH)  
> 2\. I have added 10 years onto the canon dates (so instead of the Marauders taking their OWLs in 1976, it is 1986).

**Chapter 1 of 6: The Burning Book**

For most magical teenagers, a 'Hogwarts Heatwave' was unimaginable. The very concept was an oxymoron - one likely to induce scoffs, rolled eyes and an 'I bloody wish' from any student hearing of it. But the Summer of 1986 was different.

All throughout revision season, students had been clamouring to master cooling spells, breeze conjuring and, best of all, particle controlling charms which allowed them to rub ice across their necks during class without it ever melting. The portraits squabbled and squashed together to get out of frames near windows due to a paranoia about melting temperatures; the frazzled teachers gave out detention after detention for uniform violations ("BLACK! Bare chests in the classroom will NOT be tolerated!"); the ghosts simply glided past everyone smugly. The staff attempted climate manipulation spells in the Great Hall but so far little had made any difference. The powerful magic that dwelt in every inch of the castle walls seemed to actively repel lesser charms.

It was as if the temperatures outside were trying to keep up with the heat of the tensions that had been steadily rising in the school. The Wizarding World had been tearing itself apart for almost six years in a war that showed no signs of slowing. Indeed, the past year had seen the front-page of the Daily Prophet announce another murder, explosion or disappearance monthly, then weekly and, by Spring, practically daily. As the fighting intensified, the realities of the war outside had encroached on school life more and more.

Whether it was finding 'Die Mudbloods' burnt onto a desk in the Charms classroom or getting hit in the back by a flying anti-Voldemort poster that spewed out red and gold fireworks, the ideological clashes of the outside world had become an unavoidable fact of everyday life at Hogwarts. Defence Against the Dark Arts classes were now notorious for culminating in visits to the hospital wing - so much so that the entire timetable had to be overhauled in order to separate the Slytherins from the Gryffindors.

The arrival of O.W.L season had a slight calming influence over the fifth years, but the concoction of resentment and rivalries - not to mention the pure intensity of teenage hormones - continued to bubble away under the surface. As May turned into June and the school's most tempestuous year group were left with just one O.W.L remaining, the ceiling of the Great Hall was still a bright, cloudless blue.

It was a Friday afternoon and the fifth years had descended en masse to the cluster of thick- branched trees by the great lake. After a week of gruelling examinations and a whole weekend to wait until their final test on Monday, they were determined to give themselves a much deserved evening of fun. Robes were thrown off, butterbeers were cracked open and books were temporarily thrown to one side.

But there was one fifth year who shunned the crowds. Who, instead of flocking to the sunny grounds, sought instead the quiet solitude of the Hogwarts library. Sequestered in his favourite corner - a private spot behind some bookcases and beside a thin slit of a window - Severus Snape was deep in study.

With each turn of the thick pages of the great tome before him - 'Transfiguration: The Philosophy of Form' - small clouds of dust puffed up from between the sheets, swirling up around his head and catching the light of the hot afternoon sun. Hunched forward, his long nose leant in close to the musky-smelling book, Severus Snape's black eyes darted from side to side as he took in every word. The desk was strewn with paper - every inch of which was covered in minuscule, spidery handwriting. Severus' robes were slightly too short at the wrists, revealing pallid, almost translucent, skin which looked as if it hadn't been touched by the sun in years.

As he squinted at the next chapter, 'Conjuration, or The Dialectics of Being', a bead of sweat travelled down from beneath Severus' mop of stringy black hair to the end of his hooked nose and dropped to the page.

_Confound this blasted heat_ he thought as he mopped his brow with a frayed cuff, resenting having lost his focus.

Severus despised hot weather: the claustrophobic atmosphere of the classrooms; the oven-like quality of his four-posted bed at night; the way it made his black school robes stick clammily to his body. But most of all he hated the effect that the heat had on his fellow students. What was it about sunshine and long days that made his peers even more insufferably idiotic than usual?

Severus had been pointedly ignoring the view out of the window onto the grounds where, it seemed, every single mindless teenager in Hogwarts had decided to congregate. Friday afternoon it may be but there was still one more O.W.L to take and it was the one with the most fiendishly difficult reputation - Transfiguration. The fifth years instead seemed to take the option of merely _pretending_ to revise whilst lounging together on the grass. The shallowness of his peers never ceased to disgust him.

Severus snuck a glance out of the window now, finally giving in. Sure enough, their books and notes scattered haphazardly around them, there they all were: preening and posing, slaves to 'popularity'. As a boy, when he and Lily had fantasised about and longed for their time at Hogwarts, he could never have imagined the truly vacuous, empty-headed, wilfully ignorant nature of their future classmates.

Severus shifted uncomfortably in his heavy clothes. Ever since the incident by the lake, he had taken to wearing trousers underneath his robes at all times. A boiling hot rage rose up inside him at the memory of the jeering, the laughter, the self-satisfied vindictive look on James Potter's face as his spell held Severus upside down, baring his underwear to the crowds.

_Never again_. Severus grit his teeth. _I'll get him back_ , he vowed for what must have been the hundredth time since the incident happened just three days ago.

Breathing heavily, Snape turned again to the window, this time leaning closer. He tutted in derision as he saw what they were all wearing. Muggle clothes. Dressing like muggles had become the latest craze for every Hogwarts wannabe. Supposedly it was a _political statement_ , a gesture of solidarity with muggle-borns, but Severus recognised it for what it really was: attention seeking, pure and simple.

Needless to say, no Slytherin would be caught dead dressed in jeans or, Merlin forbid, a pair of _dungarees_. A true wizard would never demean themselves in such a way. Severus' own muggle clothes were unwashed and ignored, squashed in the bottom of his trunk - only to be taken out when necessity demanded. Severus wasn't a muggle-loving weakling like so many of those he attended school with.

A bright flash caught Severus' eye suddenly. It was the sun reflecting on metal - something silver was shining up from the grounds. Blinking at the view out of the window again, Severus saw an individual who made a shiver of hatred pass through him and goosebumps spread across his skin, despite the heat.

Swaggering across the grass was Sirius Black, wearing the most ludicrous of all Muggle clothing items: a black leather jacket with gleaming silver studs. Though too distant to clearly see an expression, Severus could picture the self-satisfied smirk he'd be wearing as he winked to those lying on the grass. Black clearly had no idea how ridiculous he looked; how he shamed the great name he carried. Had Severus been born into one of the sacred twenty-eight families - if he wasn't cursed with muggle scum for a father - he would be proud of his ancestry. He wouldn't disrespect it. He wouldn't squander it at every turn like Sirius Black. Black was a traitor to his blood - it was no wonder his poor brother was embarrassed by him.

Trotting eagerly behind Black, came Pettigrew. He was another disgrace to the word pureblood, but his pathetic lack of magical skill rendered him below acknowledgement in Severus' eyes. Potter and Black clearly only put up with him because he fed their insatiable egos. His endless fawning and flattery reinforced their belief that they were the kings of the school; that they were somehow better than everyone else.

Severus' eyes were searching the grass now. _Where is he?_ He was filled with a malicious urgency to set eyes on the one he despised most of all. _Where is Potter?_ He was rarely far away his faithful sidekicks and, sure enough, a few metres behind Pettigrew strutted the sixteen year old Gryffindor Quidditch Captain. Obnoxious and arrogant from the soles of his expensive Muggle trainers to the tip of his permanently stuck-up hair. The hatred that curled in the pit of Severus' stomach was almost pleasurable. It was a hatred that he had cultivated ever since their first meeting, a hatred that burned in him, and in some deep, twisted way he relished. As long as he would live he would hate James Potter.

Severus gripped his quill hard as he stared at his nemesis, feeling its hollow shaft crack and splinter under the vice grip of his hot palm. How easy it would be, how satisfying, to curse Potter from up here in the library. Severus leaned forward, long nose close to the glass now. Potter would crumble to the ground, writhing, screeching, pleading for mercy as he, Severus Snape, showed him what a real wizard could do. Severus' wand twitched where it lay on the desk beside him.

There had been a time when Severus hadn't been able to decide who he hated more: Potter or Black. But year on year, it had become more and more obvious. Potter had his eye on Lily. Potter _fancied_ Lily. It was when Potter had looked at Lily with a licentious stare, had started pestering her, that the purest most undying loathing that Severus had ever felt had sprung up inside him. The fact that Potter dared to believe himself worthy of her. The fact that Potter would think about Lily - would think _dirty_ things about her - sealed his fate.

His fingers crept now to the hidden breast pocket inside his robes. A small black book procured from Knockturn Alley sat there. It had helped him design spells, helped him to learn magic he had previously only been able to imagine. One day he would get his chance to use them…

Severus' hate-filled reverie was interrupted when Potter suddenly turned towards the castle. For an adrenaline-full moment, Severus thought that Potter had somehow sensed the intensity of loathing that was bearing down on him from the library window. But instead it was to wait for a fourth figure to catch up - Potter had now slung an arm around the thin shoulders of Remus Lupin.

Severus never used to think about Lupin much. Potter and Black had always demanded more attention - and Pettigrew more contempt - leaving Lupin as the unremarkable one. He was what weaker people might refer to as _nice_ , but what Severus himself called _uninteresting_. But not anymore. Because now Severus was certain that there was something interesting about Lupin or, to be exact, there was something wrong with him.

It had all started when 'in the interests of student safety', the entire timetable had been chaotically overhauled in order to separate Gryffindor and Slytherin. Lily and Severus had sat next to one another in Professor Vector's small Arithmancy classroom ever since third year: untangling complex theoretical problems together and laughing at their own little jokes. Severus loved watching Lily's brilliant mind at work. She had a habit of scrunching up her hair at the back of her head and biting her lip whenever trying to work out an advanced theory. She would turn to him in delight as soon as she had worked it out - her beautiful eyes full of joy - and grasp his arm as they read out the answer to one another simultaneously. Their shared desk was so narrow that they sat shoulder to shoulder. His senses were alive to her presence: a strand of her long red hair tickling his wrist; her delighted laugh in his ear; the smell of her perfume, fresh and floral, as he breathed it in. Arithmancy had been _theirs_.

Severus had immediately gone to look for her after her first lesson with the Hufflepuffs and been appalled when she'd cheerfully informed him; "I sat next to Remus"

Severus had felt a horrible sinking feeling. To hear that Lupin, who had previously sat behind them at the back of the class and minded his own business, was now going to be sitting next to Lily was very unwelcome news indeed.

"I've got to know him pretty well, you know, since we've been prefects together" Lily continued. "He's got absolutely appalling taste in friends, but he's actually a really kind person'

Severus snorted grumpily and replied "Kind? Is that a polite word for _complete drip_ '"

"He's not a drip" Lily had shot back. "Just reserved. He's actually got quite a wicked sense of humour. Very dry. And clever too"

When Severus had spluttered in horror and tumbled over his words as he'd attempted to assure her that Lupin was "just another one of Potter's talentless lackeys", Lily had stopped in the corridor and fixed him with one of her stern looks. This was an example of what she had started to describe as his "possessive tendencies". They'd had a cold goodbye that day.

Later that night, as he lay in bed unable to sleep, he had made a decision. Lupin had to be taken down. Lupin was one step away from Potter. And Potter could use this loyal henchman to sneak closer to Lily himself. So Severus had started watching the pale, soft-spoken enigma. And there had been a lot to watch: absences from meals, fainting at a quidditch match and a strange pallor about him - a sort of _haunted_ quality - that Severus couldn't put his finger on.

Black, Potter and Pettigrew were always crowding around him, with a silencing charm bubble around them, plotting. The three of them looked exhausted sometimes too - as if they'd all been up all night. Severus' first action had been to plant a tiny stone inside Lupin's robes on which he'd placed a complicated surveillance charm. The spell had taken him all night to perfect, but the bastards had caught him in less than five minutes. They cornered him after dinner. Black slammed him against the wall by the front of his robes whilst Potter made the charmed rock explode next to his ear. Then they left him dangling upside down in the hallway. By the time Avery found him, Severus was bruised and enraged - but exhilarated. Because this encounter had taught him something - messing with Lupin had seriously rattled them. And Lupin, whose mask of benign calm never normally slipped, had looked positively terrified.

For the next few months, Severus had attempted to keep tabs on Lupin but to no avail. He was impossible to track down - always one step ahead of him. But one day, they were careless. Avery informed him that he'd overheard the four of them talking without their usual silencing charm - discussing "tonight". So Severus had cast his best disillusionment spell and waited outside the Gryffindor common room. Just after sundown, the portrait hole had swung open as if by itself - but he'd seen the disembodied soles of their shoes creeping along and followed.

Unfortunately, he underestimated the difficulty of maintaining a strong charm whilst moving quickly through the intensely magical environment of Hogwarts. After a clumsy stumble when a staircase started moving unexpectedly, Black, Potter and Pettigrew had caught him. This time, they had locked him in a suit of armour. Filch found him at four in the morning and an utterly baffled Slughorn deducted 100 points from Slytherin. Severus could have reported the three of them, but decided to bide his time instead. Then, only last month, Severus had seen two figures crossing the grounds in the late afternoon: it was Lupin and Madam Pomfrey, of all people. This stoked his curiosity into a raging fire. Where was Lupin being taken? Why were Black, Potter and Pettigrew following him in secret? He needed answers.

Severus leant his elbows on the desk and steepled his fingers. His revision now entirely abandoned, he gave himself over to plotting. It was all about Lupin: he was the weak link. If he could expose Lupin's secret, whatever it was, he could bring them all down.

Just then, a commotion on the other side of the bookcases interrupted his reverie.

"I can't believe you're making me go to the library on a day like today!"

"Bertha, if I don't revise properly I'm going to fail Transfiguration. I just know I will!"

Severus sighed. Bertha Jorkins and Irene Swain. Two of the most inane, dunderheaded girls in Hogwart's fifth year. They weren't fit to wipe Lily Evans' shoes.

"Fine!" Through a thin gap between the shelves, Severus could see Bertha Jorkins slumped dramatically in a chair, fringe plastered to her forehead. "But I don't see why we can't just revise outside"

"Because I can't concentrate out there" Irene was twisting a strand of her poker straight blond bob around her finger whilst frantically flicking through the pages of a Transfiguration textbook. "Peter's friends just keeping showing off and - "

"Speaking of Peter" Bertha's small eyes glittered as she interrupted her friend. "What were you two talking about so heatedly this afternoon?"

Irene hid her face behind her book and muttered "Nothing"

"It didn't look like nothing" Said Bertha, flicking her friend's book down onto the desk with a snap. "Come on, you can tell me" She wheedled.

"No, I can't! Not this time, Bertha. I promised Peter. It's a huge secret…he wasn't even meant to tell me…Sirius and James made him swear not to!"

Severus, irritation instantly replaced by curiosity, whispered an incantation to amplify the girls' voices for his ears only.

"Irene…you're my best friend" Bertha was doing what she did best: pulling secrets out of people. "You can trust me"

"Okay" Irene sighed. Severus rolled his eyes - she was giving in pathetically easy. Perhaps she wanted to tell this secret - too many people at this school were embarrassingly eager to claim any connection to Potter and Black. "There's going to be a party. In the Gryffindor Common Room. Tonight!"

"Tonight?" Bertha's eyes lit up and her nostrils flared. "They're hosting the end-of-year rave before the last exam?"

"Petey said it was to throw the teachers off the scent! They've been planning the party for ages but they knew that after last year the teachers would be watching them like hawks as soon as exams finished. So they're doing it tonight instead!"

"I can't wait!' Bertha was ecstatic. 'What are you going to wear?"

"Nothing! I mean - I'm not going! _I have to revise_ " The panic had crept back in to Irene's voice. "Besides, if my parents found out that I'd gone to a rave I'd be in SO much trouble! There's going to be…" Irene dropped her voice melodramatically " _Alcohol there_. James and Sirius have smuggled in crates of fire whisky from Hogsmeade!"

Severus sat back in his chair as he absorbed and savoured this new information. It may not be rumbling Lupin's secret, but telling the professors about an illegal party in the Gryffindor common room was sweet nonetheless. Hundreds of points would fly from Gryffindor's house tally. A certain Prefect badge would be history. Perhaps there would even be suspensions…

Severus exited the library with a spring in his step. Clutching his books and notes, he swept down the stairs and corridors towards the Slytherin Common Room distractedly. He was picturing the faces of the _Marauders_ \- as they so pretentiously styled themselves - as McGonagall burst in on their party whilst it was in full swing. Severus' robes billowed behind him as he strode faster and faster through the school, lost in anticipation. No doubt they'd been hoping to be the talk of the school - getting themselves and others drunk on cheap booze, flirting, -

But, before he could finish the thought, Severus rounded a corner and his heart suddenly leapt to his throat.

Lily.

There she was - leaning gracefully against the stone wall behind her and pulling her long, thick red hair up to the top of her head into a messy bun. Everyone else surrounding her blurred into an indistinct mass in Severus' eyes: Lily was everything. He stood stock still, trying to take advantage of the precious moments before she inevitability noticed him and her expression changed to one of anger.

Memories flooded Severus' mind. He and Lily had spent the previous summer holiday together: roaming the forests outside Cokeworth; finding shady patches where they could read; endlessly discussing spells and potions and decrying the rule forbidding them to do magic outside of school. When the sun finally set at the end of each long, glorious day they would lie in the grass and look up at the stars. Severus would lie next to her, paralysed. Their hands would be less than an inch apart; their little fingers almost touching. He would try to imagine what the stars must look like reflected in the green pools of her eyes. But he was never able to summon the courage to close the gap between them. If he had been brave enough he would have told her the truth. That he loved her. That he would be in love with her until the day he died.

"Lily"

She jumped slightly at the sound of her name and her hair dropped back down, bouncing around her shoulders, landing in a flame-like mess. The sight of her beauty made his breath catch in his throat. But then, her eyes narrowed. She pushed herself away from the wall and began to stride swiftly away without a word. Lily's friends had noticed him now too. And their expressions were just as hostile.

"Wait! Please!" Severus hated the pleading note in his voice, but it was a little too late for pride. He'd already plumbed the depths of desperation when he'd threatened to sleep outside the Gryffindor Common Room until she spoke to him - and that was only three days ago. She'd crushed him then using one of the qualities that he loved most about her - her indefatigable moral will. But if he could only convince her of how sorry he was -

"Lily!" Severus started forward after her.

"I thought she was just a mudblood to you?" Mary McDonald, a 6th year Gryffindor Prefect, was now glaring at him venomously and blocking his way.

"You stay out of it!" He snapped at her, trying to get past.

"What makes her so different? Oh yeah that's right - you think she's hot so you're prepared to overlook it. You make me sick"

Severus swerved past Mary McDonald and began to run. His robes flapped and his books and papers jostled around in his arms. "Lily!" he called again as he saw her start up a marble staircase, he sped up but suddenly he was flying forward and -

CRASH

Severus landed heavily on the floor, painfully spreadeagled on the stone. In his disorientation he could hear laughter around him and a burning shame reddened his cheeks. He started furiously gathering his books and papers back together which had spread out wildly from where he had hit the ground. He refused to look up and swore bitterly under his breath as he groped around for his wand under the mass of paper. Then - suddenly - someone pushed it into his hand. Severus raised his eyes. Lily was crouched in front of him, avoiding his gaze as she performed a spell that gathered the lost items into a neat pile between them.

"I'm so sorry, Lily...You have to believe me...I'll keep apologising for the rest of my life if that's what it takes"

She didn't respond, keeping her face dipped and hidden behind her hair.

"I just want things to go back to how they used to be. How they were….last summer"

Lily still didn't speak, but Severus could see her lower lip trembling slightly. Her eyes were still fixed down in front of her. For a moment, her body stiffened as she looked at the pile of his things. Then her hand reached out to pick something up off the top. As she slowly drew the small black book towards her, Severus realised with horror what it was.

"No!" He yelled in panic and tried to snatch it away from her. But Lily was rising to her feet now, cat-like, holding the book close to her. Severus watched in horror as she opened its yellow pages and her eyes scanned the contents.

"I can explain…" He began but broke off as soon as Lily's gaze met his. Her eyes burned with a rage that he had never seen before.

"This. Is. Disgusting" She breathed, flicking through the pages, her fingers clumsy in her repulsion.

Severus' mouth opened and shut as he tried in vain to find the words to explain. He longed to make her understand; to make her see that all he wanted was a better world for wizards. A purer world. A world where only the most talented - people like him and Lily - would make the decisions and could rise above their origins. Why should an entire type of magic be banned and hated just because of its potential power? But the words didn't come. He knew she would never change her mind.

"This…this is…" Lily struggled for her words, until finally managing to hiss "This is everything that I hate". Then her wand was out and the book became a ball of flames in the air. Lily turned to run away and Severus was left alone. The ashes from the little book of dark magic floated down into his lap and the smell of burning filled his nostrils.

—-

Later, hours after the sun had gone down, Severus sat alone in the Slytherin Common Room. He resolved to cling to the only comforting thought he had left that made his life bearable: making Potter, Black, Pettigrew and Lupin suffer.


	2. Spiked Pumpkin Juice

**Chapter 2 of 6: Spiked Pumpkin Juice**

The Gryffindor Common Room was heaving. The air was thick with the smell of cigarettes, alcohol and sweat. The floor itself seemed to be pulsing to the beat of the music blaring from Sirius Black's magically enhanced boombox. The room was a disorientating mass of bodies, noise and colour. Huge cauldrons floated and bobbed around the room, sloshing violently orange punch onto the carpet and replenishing themselves whenever a cup was filled. A makeshift dance floor had formed in the centre of the room where students were earnestly pressing themselves against each other, inexpertly gyrating to the music.

Wafting a cloud of smoke away from his face, Remus Lupin squeezed through the crowd. _I must be the worst prefect in Gryffindor history_ he thought guiltily as he sidestepped two sixth years engaged in a writhing, passionate embrace. He passed below a firework-spewing banner of his own design - 'Liberty, Equality, Nonconformity!' - as he attempted to reach the edge of the party and escape the crush of his classmates' moist bodies.

The heat was truly oppressive. Remus clutched at the collar of the denim shirt he'd been leant for the event, trying to open it as far as possible without having to actually undo a button. James had taken pity on his meagre collection of clothing insisting 'What sort of friend would I be if I let you go to a party in this?' as he held up the threadbare grey jumper Remus had been planning to wear in disgust. Remus was aware that he must have looked faintly ridiculous - buttoned right to the neck and with not so much as a rolled up sleeve - whilst everyone around him seemed to be wearing as little clothes as possible. Sirius and James were wearing their shirts completely open and some girls were….well…Remus gulped and forced his eyes away. If he were to wear his shirt open, there would be mass panic. It was best for everyone if he kept the jagged black scar that encircled his left waist safely concealed.

Finally reaching the edge of the room, Remus felt the wall nervously. It had been his own idea to create a soundproofed room-within-a-room inside Gryffindor tower. The charm created a semi-transparent membrane that clung to the carpet, walls and ceiling. It was an idea that had slipped out before he'd been able to stop it when James, Sirius and Peter had been keenly debating how to get around the fact that the walls of the Common Room repelled silencing charms. His pride in their delight at this solution had made him momentarily forget that he had now aided and abetted the organisation of - yet another - illegal rave in the school. But then aiding and abetting seemed to come hand in hand with being friends with James and Sirius.

The two of them had been determined to have a party ("What teacher would expect the rave to happen BEFORE OWLs are over? It's the perfect plan!") and there was nothing Remus could have done to prevent them. He reasoned instead that it was his role to make sure that things didn't get too out of hand. He'd insisted on a strict age limit of fifth years and above (the rest of Gryffindor house had to be locked in their dorms and bribed with as much Honeydukes as James', admittedly rather substantial, monthly allowance could buy). The party was for their house only and Remus had also requested a limit to the amount of alcohol smuggled in but - Remus sighed as he noticed two Ravenclaw sixth years doing firewhisky shots off a floating tray - these rules didn't seem to be working out so well. James and Sirius had been known to occasionally instigate a "what Moony doesn't know won't hurt him" approach ever since he'd been made a prefect.

The humid atmosphere was now making Remus' head spin. Clutching the Marauders Map, which he checked periodically for any signs of McGonagall or Filch, he paused his circling of the room to take a deep, steadying breath. Closing his eyes, he fought the nausea rising in his stomach and struggled to ignore the ache in each of his joints. Why did they have to hold a party the night before the next full moon? Even with the slight relief that came with Summer's longer daylight hours, Remus was still feeling weaker and sicker as every hour passed. At this time of the month, he'd normally be wearily horizontal - eating chocolate and reading a book whilst tucked under a duvet - but this month he found himself supervising a teenage rave.

Remus squinted down at the Marauder's Map again, eyes stinging from yet another cloud of sweet-smelling smoke. The Common Room was so crammed full of people that it was impossible to read the individual names they were so tightly packed. His eyes scanned the castle, searching for any danger zones. Filch was in the trophy room with Peeves - good. Mrs Norris was skulking around the Great Hall - even better. McGonagall was in her personal quarters - excellent.

What Remus saw next sent an irrational chill down his spine. The tiny calligraphied name of _Severus Snape_ was in the Slytherin Common Room, moving swiftly and relentlessly back and forth. Something about Snape's repetitive pacing made him uneasy - what was he planning now? Remus' anxiety about being exposed was at fever pitch. When James had pulled Snape's homemade surveillance device out of Remus' robes, Remus had had to stifle a shout of horror and shock. It was physical proof that Snape suspected him…that he would stop at nothing to find out where he was disappearing off to and why. Remus had dreaded running into Snape ever since. He was afraid of the suspicion in those cold, black eyes.

Still, Remus wished that James and Sirius would lay off Snape. The increasing animosity between them could only end badly. His insides squirmed with shame at the memory at what had happened beside the lake that week. Snape had been tormented and humiliated, whilst he himself had just sat there. Remus was acutely aware of his own hypocrisy in allowing it to happen, because he knew exactly what it was like to be an outsider. It was merely a bizarre twist of fate that Remus even had friends. The fact that James, Sirius and Peter protected him, understood him, _liked_ him - despite what he was - was a miracle that he felt thankful for every day. Because if the rest of the school found out…Remus shuddered…being turned upside down and taunted would be the least of his worries.

Bubbly, fizzing liquid suddenly splashed onto the map and Remus looked up.

_Oh Merlin. I really am the most irresponsible prefect Gryffindor has ever had_ Remus thought as he stared at James Potter - completely shirtless now - firing a shaken-up bottle of Flavia's Forever Fizzy Wizard's Champagne into a group of girls nearby who were screaming and laughing, dancing in the spray. Next to him, Sirius was downing the contents of an enormous pointed wizard hat whilst the Quidditch team chanted his name.

Shaking his head and failing to hold back a smile - seeing his friends happy never failed to cheer him up a little bit - Remus pushed on through the dancing students until he finally reached the person he had been looking for.

'Wormtail!' Remus wheeled his friend round by the shoulder to face him. 'It's your turn on map-watch'

'Whassat Moony?'

Remus noticed with dismay that Peter Pettigrew's eyes weren't focusing. He had one hand on the charmed party wall in a vain attempt to steady himself and his round face was tinged with green.

"Never mind, mate" Remus said as he conjured a bucket which Peter dutifully began vomiting into.

Remus gave his friend a sympathetic pat and replaced whatever had been in the cup at his feet with water. Continuing his round of the room again - conjuring more buckets where required, making sure no first years had escaped from their dorms - he gently pushed through a group of Ravenclaw 7th years who gave him friendly, but slightly quizzical, looks. Remus was used to this. Most people just knew him as 'James Potter and Sirius Black's friend' and were often surprised when they met him: expecting a similarly larger-than-life character but instead being greeted with a calm and dry humoured prefect. "Pale and uninteresting" he'd overheard someone say about him once. But that was just how Remus liked it. It was too risky to draw attention to himself. He was better off being friends with James, Sirius, Peter and, -

"Remus Lupin! You must be the most irresponsible prefect Gryffindor has ever had"

Ducking under a "Fuck Blood Purity" banner, her cheeks slightly flushed and with a thin sheen of sweat covering the white skin of her shoulders and collarbones, Lily Evans emerged from the crowd with a mischevious grin on her face.

'Hey Lily' said Remus, smiling guiltily back at her.

"Look, I know you hate it when I speak ill of the _Marauders_ '" - Lily always said this nickname with pained sarcasm - "But they've really gone too far this time" She started counting the sins down on her fingers. "A rave in the Gryffindor Common Room…during exam season…with underage drinking…a hell of a lot of sexual contact…..oh and not to mention, _table dancing_ "

Remus followed Lily's sardonic look towards a table in the middle of the room on which James was now dancing. He was still bare-chested - his brown, toned stomach tensing as he danced - but now he was wearing his Chaser's cape around his shoulders. _Oh Prongs, why?_

"But…I have to admit" Lily continued, pulling a large glass of spiked pumpkin juice from behind her back and taking a swig, "It's a bloody good party"

Remus laughed. Lily was one of the most fiercely moral people he had ever met - she wore her values and convictions on her sleeve and woe betide anyone who crossed them. But a party was a victimless crime as far as she was concerned and, though proudly ethical, no one could accuse Lily Evans of being a kill joy. And absolutely never a snitch.

They slipped into their easy repartee: trading jokes about the party; complaining about revision; laughing at the antics of the people around them. Remus hadn't expected to meet anyone he felt as at ease with as he did with James, Peter and Sirius, but his friendship with Lily had come so naturally. At first, James hadn't been sure how to feel about it but, given that Remus was hardly a threat, he ultimately labelled it as A Good Thing and promptly requested that he put a good word for him. Remus hadn't dare try this. Utter derision didn't even begin to cover how Lily felt about James.

"Remus, guess what?" Lily grabbed his arm excitedly.

"You got the internship?!"

She nodded, delighted.

"That's brilliant, Lily!" Remus beamed and hugged her. "You deserved it!"

"I'm so excited" Lily gushed as they broke apart. She had applied for one of the most competitive summer programs at The International Confederation of Wizards. Remus had helped proofread her application. "I won't be stuck in Cokeworth again this Summer - thank Merlin!"

"Professor Slughorn must be very proud"

"Oh - he's over the moon" Lily said with a knowing smile. Slughorn was determined that his favourite student would follow in the illustrious footsteps of the other Slug Club alumni and secure a top position in the Wizarding World. She did an impression of Slughorn's plummy tones: " _'Lily, you have a sparkling career ahead of you'_ …He keeps insisting that the war will be over by Christmas. He refuses to entertain the idea that I'll be fighting in it…"

Lily trailed off and they looked at each other for a moment, smiles fading slightly. Neither of them believed the war would be over by Christmas.

"Can I borrow Stanley?" Asked Lily, keen to move the conversation away from the war. "I need to tell my parents that I won't be home for the Summer"

"Of course!" Said Remus. He was well aware that Lily wasn't allowed an owl of her own; her Muggle sister had put her foot down and flatly refused to share a house with one during the holidays. "They'll be so pleased for you"

"Yeah" Lily paused before continuing, "To tell you the truth…it was nice to have some good news. I had a bit of a shock this afternoon…"

"What happened?" Remus asked, concerned. There was a sadness in Lily's eyes.

But before Lily could answer, a curly-haired Ravenclaw interrupted them: "Hey Lils! I got you some pumpkin punch from one of those cauldrons. It's amazing…you just take a cup and it keeps refilling itself! Unbelievable!"

It was Rodigan Breely. The Head of the Gobstones club and, in Remus' private opinion, punching well above his weight.

"Er - thanks Roddy" Said Lily. "I've already got some though, why don't you give that one to Remus?"

"Sure! Here you go, mate"

Rodigan passed him the cup, sizing him up with his eyes as he did so, unsure whether to label Remus as a competitor or not. Out of the corner of his eye, Remus could see that James' head had turned towards them. It was okay to accept a drink from a rival, right? At least it wasn't from a Slytherin. Remus took a sip, trying not to visibly wince at the burn of the firewhisky on his throat.

"Lily! Come and dance!" A gaggle of Lily's dorm-mates had found her now and were ushering her onto the dance floor with them, whilst Rodigan followed hopefully. Remus gave her a wave as she gave in and allowed herself to be dragged off.

"See you later, Remus!" She called.

"Bye Lily" He smiled.

"Oh - and Remus?" Lily turned back to him, shouting over the music.

"Yes?"

"Don't forget to enjoy yourself"

Remus watched as Lily was swallowed up by the scrum of people. He stood by himself now, awkwardly shuffling to the music, and feeling a little drab in the midst of his vibrant, energetic classmates. His head was pounding now. His senses - always horribly sharp this close to the full moon - were overwhelmed. Resolving to join James and Sirius, he set off around the room again - trying to ignore the ever-increasing number of kissing couples.

Remus did his best to avoid romantic situations. Since he'd had a growth spurt the previous summer and James and Sirius' fame within the school had grown, girls had started showing more interest in him than ever before. At one stage, Remus had been considering repelling charms but it was Peter who had come up with the solution: a fake long-distance girlfriend. Camille from Beauxbatons. Or was it Chloe? Remus took another sip of his drink. It was depressing, he had to admit, being confined to the sidelines whilst his classmates - even Peter - gained boyfriends and girlfriends, kissed each other, lost their virginity to each other….

"Hey Remus!"

Oh dear…

It was Audrey Clements. A Hufflepuff he had got talking to during Care of Magical Creatures when Professor Kettleburn had made them partners. She'd laughed at his bowtruckle joke and had blushed when he'd complimented her sketching skills. Since then, she'd been looking at him differently…

"Audrey…hi"

She was swaying slightly, leaning towards him. _Dammit Sirius, I told you not to make that pumpkin punch too strong_ , Remus thought.

"This is the best party of my life, EVER!" She shouted in his ear, spilling some of the noxious, orange liquid on his shirt. "Are you having fun?"

Remus took a huge gulp of his drink, horribly aware that he didn't know what to do with his hands. He felt the warmth of the alcohol dulling the ache in his limbs slightly and stilling the shakes that had been starting to take hold. Audrey was a sweet, generous-spirited person. He liked the way her eyes crinkled when she smiled. And he liked the red dress she was wearing.

"Of course. Reckless hedonism. Destruction of Gryffindor property. What's not to enjoy?" He replied.

She laughed and put her hand on his wrist. As he looked down at her, Remus' mind strayed down the dangerous path of imagining what it would be like to be normal. To be able to put his arm around her…to tell her how pretty she looked…to let her lead him up to her empty dorm upstairs…

Stop he warned himself. This was what James and Peter called "Moony's Quandary" (and what Sirius - less charitably - called "Moony's Vow of Chastity"). For Remus, having a physical relationship with someone, without telling them that he was a werewolf, would be a terrible betrayal of trust and a guarantee of certain heartache. But the problem was that, even if he got close enough to someone to feel comfortable telling them that he was a werewolf, once they found out they would be too disgusted or frightened to even consider sleeping with him.

"I like your shirt" Said Audrey, smiling up at him.

"James and Sirius know how to plan a good party" Replied Remus, clumsily changing the subject and pretending not to have heard her.

"They certainly look like they're in their element" Said Audrey, looking over to the table in the centre of the room.

Remus instantly regretted diverting her attention over there. Sirius was now passionately kissing Steve Wiley - a tall, blond Ravenclaw seventh year and rival beater at Quidditch - whilst James did body shots with Mandy O'Hara, one of the Gryffindor chasers. The latter Remus suspected was in the vain hope of making Lily jealous but, Remus noticed, she seemed pretty busy with Rodigan herself.

_Oh Merlin, why did everyone choose this particular moment to start getting off with each other?_

"Remus …there's something I want to tell you"

Remus cast around wildly for some way to throw off this line of conversation. Audrey didn't deserve to be brushed off - but then again, she didn't deserve a werewolf for a boyfriend. Remus - as he always seemed to end up doing - settled for the lesser of two evils.

"Uh - I actually have to -" Remus started to move, but found his way blocked by one of the floating cauldrons. With relief, he saw that Peter was making his way through the crowd towards them. He had obviously heeded Remus' panicked look and was valiantly attempting to come to the rescue, despite looking more than a little queasy still.

"I know you've got a girlfriend…but…I just wanted to tell you…I really like you." Audrey was very close to him now.

Over her shoulder, Remus saw Peter get trapped behind the massive frame of a Hufflepuff beater.

"You're…you're different to all the other boys"

_She's not wrong about that_ , Remus thought, finding himself unable to speak. His face must have been frozen in worry, but Audrey pressed on.

"I just wanted to say that…if you were ever interested in dating someone a little closer to home…"

Panic set in and Remus took a large, dramatic step away from her.

"Audrey I…I'm sorry…"

_Woosh_

A tug on his ankle suddenly turned the world upside down. _Thank Merlin for jeans_ Remus thought as he was floated across the room towards James and Sirius who were pointing their wands at him and laughing, still standing on the table. Remus landed in a heap between them.

"Cheers" He said with relief, attempting to unruffle himself and stand up with some modicum of dignity.

"You're such a heartbreaker, Moony" Shouted James in his ear.

"You'll never lose your virginity at this rate" Agreed Sirius in the other.

With a sudden stab of fear, Remus pulled out the map - but all was well. Tucking it safely back in his robes, Remus attempted to move his body to the music with a fraction of the grace that James and Sirius had. Even as the two of them danced madly, outrageously, they still managed to look cool. Remus supposed it was something to do with confidence.

From the elevated position on top of the table, Remus realised that he had a direct view of the Common Room's largest window. The moon was so nearly full, almost a perfect circle. Even through the soundproofed wall and the window glass, Remus was seized with dread at its harsh, white light; it seemed to stare right at him, piercing below the skin. Fear rose up inside him, freezing him to the spot. The wolf was so close. This brought on a horror so intense that it made him gasp and his legs buckle. Remus would have fallen off the table, but he felt Sirius' strong arms hook beneath his armpits, supporting him.

"Hey Moony" James was looking into his face, clicking his fingers and making his eyes focus on him instead of the view out of the window. "It's alright, mate. You're alright"

James cast a spell to close the curtains and block the sight of the moon. Remus felt his back being rubbed by a warm hand. It was Peter: "Take deep, slow breaths Moony" he was saying. Sirius had seized Remus' cup and was topping it up.

With the moon out of sight and another glug of spiked pumpkin juice in his system, the sharp edges of Remus' nerves began to smooth out. He breathed deeply; willing himself himself to relax. Their favourite song was suddenly blaring out of the boombox and Remus found himself laughing as his friends wrapped their arms around him and started jumping and singing along. Now they were dancing together - Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs - not caring how they looked or who was watching: James twirled Peter in ever-faster circles; Sirius and Remus did a silly exaggerated waltz. Remus revelled in the overwhelming joy that came from being with his friends. The only thing that helped him cope with the darkness that lived inside him.

More and more punch started appearing from nowhere, fireworks were bouncing around the room and the roar of the crowd was growing. Sirius filled up the huge pointed hat and winked at Remus. Then the chant started:

"Lu-pin, Lu-pin, Lu-pin!"

Sirius thrust the wobbling hat into his hands. James and Peter were clapping, shouting encouragement. The people below them were yelling and grinning. Remus hesitated as he looked down at the swirling mixture: he didn't know for sure what effect this much alcohol would have on his body at this time of the month.

"Come on" Sirius shouted at him. Then, grabbing Remus by the hair and placing his mouth to his ear - so close Remus could feel his stubble against his skin - Sirius whispered "Don't you ever want to take a break from being yourself?"

Remus threw his head back and gulped down the contents of the hat. The crowd erupted. Remus reeled. The room was spinning. All he could see were faces: Sirius shouting gleefully at the crowd; James laughing; Peter smiling dazedly; Lily rolling her eyes; Audrey looking tearful. Then, there was a strange feeling of suspension: Remus hit the floor with a thud.

As he struggled up on his elbows, Remus became aware of a sudden and dramatic shift. Blinking, he saw the cauldrons drop with loud thuds to the floor. A 'Keep Calm and Hex Slytherins' poster floated down to the rubbish-strewn floor. The enchanted wall had vanished. The music had stopped. By the portrait hole, over the heads of the jostling, screaming students, Remus could see the unmistakeable portent of their doom: a tall, tartan nightcap.

Amongst the chaos of pushing and panicking students, James was standing stock still, looking entirely unfazed. Puffing out his chest, he proclaimed "The captain always goes down with the ship" Sirius stood beside him, smirking, "Well said, Prongs". Peter bit his nails and moved from one foot to the other but similarly did not move. Remus staggered to his feet, taking his dizzy place beside his friends ("M'here. I'll try to…'splain to McGona…McGa…McConical…" he hiccuped). A painful feeling of regret settling in his already churning stomach. He had liked being a prefect…

"Not you, Moony. You're not losing that badge because of us" James said, holding Remus in place by the shoulder and pointing his wand directly at his chest.

Before Remus could protest, he was blasted off his feet. His body, limp and completely out of his control, zoomed backwards and over the heads of the other boys attempting to escape to the dorms. Once inside, James' spell dropped him gently onto his four-poster bed and Remus heard the click of the lock turning in the door.

With the room turning incessantly around him, Remus was too dazed to remove his clothes or pull the curtains around him. He could feel himself slipping into an intoxicated, disturbed sleep. The wolf was waiting for him as it always was. But even as Remus felt the claws in his brain dragging him deep into the nightmare, his final thought before losing consciousness was a strangely peaceful one. _I have the best friends in the world_.


	3. The Hangover

**Chapter 3 of 6: The Hangover**

The next morning, Sirius Black woke to an empty bedroom and a hellish hangover. By the time he had hauled himself out of bed and donned his trademark biker jacket, he was late for breakfast and in a foul temper. Heads turned as he stormed into the Great Hall and, whether it was looks of hatred, amusement, lust or admiration that came his way, he glowered at everyone equally. Though his leather jacket, tight black jeans and Muggle tattoos on his wrists attempted to prove the opposite, no one witnessing Sirius' countenance that morning could be in any doubt what family tree he had sprung from.

Each pound of his leather boots on the flagstones made his headache pulse more intensely. He headed towards the Gryffindor table - where Peter Pettigrew was eagerly flapping his hands at the empty space beside him - and pointedly ignored the dangerous look being shot his way by Professor McGonagall. After last night, he'd had enough of her righteous scolding to last him a lifetime. Sirius sat down heavily at the long table and noted with irritation that, despite the lateness of the hour that Saturday morning, breakfast had not yet materialised.

"Thanks for waking me up, pricks" Sirius growled at his friends who, like a significant proportion of the other students in the hall that morning, looked considerably worse for wear.

"Sorry man" Said James who was massaging his temples, his hair sticking up even more wildly than usual. "I had to get up early for one-on-one training with the new seeker. And it was bloody awful, if you want to know. Lucinda was still drunk. She ended up dive bombing the ground thinking a dropped galleon was the snitch"

"I went to see Irene" Peter burst out, eager to exonerate himself before James began one of his customary Quidditch rants. Peter's voice sounded hoarse and scratchy which, Sirius presumed, must have been from all the spewing up he'd done the night before. Peter sat with his shoulders hunched - as if making himself as small as possible would save him from the wrathful glances that McGonagall was still shooting at them.

"I had to check in with Madam Pomfrey" Remus whispered. His pale, exhausted face was troubled as he contributed his excuse. "I woke up with…with…scratches all over"

"Again, mate?" Said James, frowning. "At this rate, we'll have to transfigure your hands into carrots or something before you go to bed"

Sirius snorted at this image and was about to contribute his own idea for how Remus might solve this predicament, when a hush fell over the room. Dumbledore had gracefully stood up and approached the lectern. It was not usual for the Headmaster to make a speech at what should have been a normal breakfast. Sirius groaned inwardly. This was a bad sign…

"Well" Dumbledore began, genially. "I trust you are all feeling fresh and wholesome this fine June morning" His periwinkle blue eyes twinkled as they travelled over the amassed faces of the mussy-haired and bleary-eyed teenagers that peered guiltily back at him. "I confess I had rather a turn this morning when I was informed that history was made last night in our dear castle"

James' eyes caught Sirius' and they quickly looked away from one another, biting their cheeks to keep themselves from grinning: setting records was their speciality.

"Yes indeed" Said Dumbledore as a murmur - part confused, part nervous - started to spread through the assembled students. "The largest sum of house points deducted in a single night since the great House Cup riot of 1899. After conferring with Professors McGonagall, Sprout and Flitwick, I'm afraid to report that we were unanimous - a 50 point deduction for every student present at the Gryffindor Common Room…shall we say… _rave_ last night. And 200 apiece for the three organisers"

There was an explosion of noise from the Slytherin table. Jeers and whoops of triumph rang out across the hall, with some students even standing on their chairs to yell their gleeful insults over to the Gryffindors - to two Gryffindors in particular. James and Sirius responded with some choice hand gestures. As he did so, Sirius caught sight of Snape: eschewing the noisy displays of those around him, he was instead sat perfectly still. A look of serene satisfaction was spread over his pallid face and it made Sirius clench his jaw with loathing. Snape had been wearing the same look of smug victory last night when he'd leered around the Gryffindor portrait hole, determined to watch his enemies' downfall with his own eyes before McGonagall shooed him away.

Dumbledore raised his hands sternly to quell the cacophany and a pregnant silence over the room in its place. The dejected younger years of Gryffindor, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff - denied both a good party _and_ a shot at the house cup - huffed unhappily and put their chins on their hands.

"I take no pleasure in punishing students. Indeed, I have the good fortune to be able to delegate such unseemly tasks as house point deduction to my esteemed colleagues. However, these are strange times that we - as a school, as a country - find ourselves in and I felt it incumbent upon me to speak to you all personally" Dumbledore looked down at them over his half-moon spectacles, as if wishing to catch the eye of every student present before he continue.

"The life of a young person is always a battle of instincts. And the life of a young person in the midst of a war even more so. I understand that, when the world outside becomes an ever-darker, ever-more unpredictable place, it is hard to resist the tantalising nihilism of hedonistic pleasure"

The silence in the room was even heavier now. Mentioning the war always had that effect. There were few students present who did not hold grief, trauma, anger or anxiety in their hearts as a result of the conflict outside the castle. Sirius wished he could block his ears. He was in no mood to be lectured on morality, doom and gloom. He looked over at Peter who was biting his lip and fiddling with his cutlery. Then to Remus who was listening intently and taking in every word - as he always did whenever Dumbledore spoke - but he was white as a sheet with shadows around his eyes. _Full moon tonight_ , Sirius remembered. The rush of excitement that accompanied this though was swiftly and bitterly extinguished by the thought of the detention that waited for he, James and Peter instead that night. The highlight of Sirius' month was now to be replaced with scrubbing the trophy room, washing the Slytherin Quidditch players' kit, de-fleeing Mrs Norris…or whatever other delight Filch might have cooked up for them this time.

Dumbledore continued:

"So though your first preference might be to wallow in Dionysical urges and drink the poor village of Hogsmeade dry, I must ask you instead to respect yourselves and to respect this castle. Hedonism is but passing comfort in a world of terror. Please try to choose compassion and bravery instead"

Though he knew he was supposed to feel humbled - particularly as Dumbledore's eyes had unmistakably flicked to he, James and Peter on his final words - Sirius was instead irked by the concluding note of the speech. What he wanted more than anything _was_ to choose bravery. But Dumbledore's insistence on the prohibition of underage wizards fighting in the war meant that he was stuck - useless and powerless - at school.

"Well…that was intense" Said James.

"We're definitely coming last in the House Cup" Said Peter dolefully. "The whole school's gonna hate us now"

"The whole school has bigger things to worry about than the bloody House Cup" Said Sirius.

As Dumbledore took his seat, breakfast finally appeared on the table and the relieved students fell ravenously to the feast before them. As Remus gulped down a great mouthful of tea from the giant mug before him, Sirius noticed that his friend's hand shook. Remus always went to breakfast on the morning of the full moon. Every time, he insisted that he could handle it; determined to limit the amount of time he spent 'off sick' in order to lower the risk of suspicion. Sirius didn't know why he bothered: he looked like death warmed up on the day of the full moon and that was suspicious enough in itself.

"So what happened with McGonagall last night? What's the damage?" Remus was now asking them hurriedly. "How many detentions did she give you?"

"One every night until the Summer holiday starts" Said James, his mouth full of bacon and egg.

"A final warning for my place on the Quidditch team" Said Sirius, with sipping his strong black coffee.

"Oh" Said James, with a huge gulping swallow. "And a 10% deduction from each of our eventual OWL grades"

" _What?_ '" Remus choked and spluttered on his tea.

"Yep" Confirmed Sirius. "Apparently detentions, letters home and house points just aren't getting through to us so they've no choice but to dock our exam results as well"

Remus looked aghast.

"That's just me and Padfoot though - I think they concluded that we were the ringleaders and Wormtail was, like, our assistant or something" James applied liberal amounts of ketchup to his hashbrowns. "No offence, Wormtail mate" He added.

"None taken" Said Peter, brightly. 'If I lost 10% of my OWL marks I don't think I'd make it through to NEWTs"

"Sorry we can't join you tonight, Moony" Said James, giving Remus' slim shoulder a pat.

"I'll be fine" Remus replied quickly, but he had developed that haunted look he so often wore. His dry toast lay untouched on his plate. Sirius shook his head as Remus, the ultimate masochist, now pulled out his transfiguration textbook and began scanning a heavily annotated chapter.

"I can't believe they're going to dock your OWL grades" He said, flicking a page.

"Pfff. We'll still ace the exams" Sirius winked at James who grinned back at him.

"Maybe so. But you should still consider coming to the library with me ahead of transfiguration on Monday" Remus said.

Sirius mimed aiming a killing curse at his head with his wand.

"What's the fucking point?" He exclaimed, putting his coffee mug down hard on the table. Remus' eyes flicked up from his page.

"I mean, who gives a shit about exams? Really?" Sirius continued. "You don't need good OWLs to kill Death Eaters"

"I thought that to be an Auror you did need - " Peter piped up.

"I'm not talking about being a bloody _Auror_ " Sirius found himself snapping over Peter. "I'm talking about the anti-Death Eater _resistance_. Dumbledore's hand-picked team. All they care about is whether you're a good fighter or not - not if you're a fucking book worm"

Peter pouted and went back to his pancakes. Remus closed his book slowly, forcing his face to be neutral.

"Regardless" He said tiredly. "I don't think it's a good idea to host any more parties"

"For fuck's sake, Moony. That badge is turning you into such a bloody killjoy" Sirius snapped.

"Wind your neck in, Padfoot" Interjected James. He hated any bickering within the group.

Remus sat back in his seat and opened his book up again, head resting on his hand, clearly too exhausted to argue.

"Besides, I've already thought of the next party idea!" Exclaimed Sirius, feeling his mood shift from tetchy to manically determined as the idea for a new plan struck him. Pulling out his wand - with a quick glance to check McGonagall was no longer watching - he cast a muting charm around the four of them. With satisfaction, Sirius saw intrigued smirks spread across the faces of James and Peter.

"What is it?" They asked in unison.

"Marauders…picture this - "Sirius held up his hands for dramatic effect. " _Pool party_. We conjure a massive tank inside the common room, fill it with hot water, foam and then -

"If I was to turn up to a party wearing only swimming trunks, I think there would be something that our school mates would notice about me" Remus interrupted dryly, unable to help himself.

Peter let out a wild giggle whilst James and Sirius sniggered.

"Heads out of the gutter, please" Said Remus, smiling ruefully. "I was talking about my scar"

"Girls love scars on a man. It makes them look…rugged" Said Sirius, who relished being contrary.

"I think that turning into a fur-covered physical manifestation of evil once a month is a little _too_ rugged for most girls" Said Remus.

"Wear a goddamn wetsuit then, mate. Whatever makes you relax for once"

Remus sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I'm just saying…let's focus on getting this exam out of the way first"

"For fuck's sake, Lupin" Sirius wasn't able to stop the harsh tone that entered his voice, replacing the gentle teasing that usually accompanied any discussion of Remus' condition. Remus' lack of co-operation was bothering him intensely, though he couldn't have explained why exactly. "It's never easy with you is it?"

There was an awkward pause during which Peter looked nervously between the two of them. Remus' face was impassive as he stared back at Sirius, but Sirius recognized the signs of hurt behind his light brown eyes.

"Padfoot - take that back" Said James, filling the silence. "He doesn't mean it, Moony, he's just being a grumpy bastard this morning. _Right_?" This last word was directed at Sirius and accompanied by a particular James-the-Quidditch-Captain look of authority that Sirius knew was supposed to induce him to apologise. But Sirius didn't feel like playing happy families. He sat stubborn and unspeaking.

"I'm sorry that my lycanthropy is such an inconvenience for you, Sirius" Remus said, with softly dignified sarcasm, after it was clear that no such apology was coming. "I'm going back to bed"

"Alright mate, we'll be up to see you soon" James called towards the slim retreating figure, sticking his head out of the silencing bubble to do so.

"Yeah - feel better!" Called Peter.

"Padfoot - " James rounded on Sirius.

"I know, I know" Sirius put up his hands. "I'll say sorry to Moony later. I promise"

James shoved a slice of bacon into his mouth and munched exasperatedly. "You two are like an old married couple sometimes, I swear"

"But come on, Prongs…" Said Sirius, eager to bring the conversation back to less guilt-inducing territory. "Just picture it….Evans in swimwear?"

The blood rushed to James' face. Loud and crude though he could be in all other aspects of his life, James hated anyone talking about Lily in that way. It was one of the only methods Sirius had to truly wind James up and he rarely lost an opportunity to do so.

"As long as Snivellus is nowhere nearby this time" James replied darkly.

"How did Sniv rumble us anyway?" Said Peter, perplexed.

"Fuck knows how" Said Sirius. "Destroying the greatest party Hogwarts has ever had will probably be the highlight of his pathetic little life"

"I could see his eyes darting all over the room when they raided us last night" Said James, with a venomous glare over to the Slytherin table. "I'd bet my broomstick he was looking to see if Evans was there. He probably doesn't approve of her going to parties. The creep"

"Slimy git" Agreed Sirius.

"He needs to be taught a lesson. He can't get away with this" Said Peter, to nods of agreement from the others.

"He'll become a Death Eater the day he graduates and then we'll finally be able to fight each for real. To the death" Said James, enthusiastically stabbing a sausage with his fork.

—

After breakfast was finished Sirius instinctively headed for the grounds, craving fresh air and wide open space.

"Aren't you coming to check on Moony?" Asked Peter. The three of them were in the entrance hall: James and Peter turned towards the staircase, Sirius with one foot pointed out towards the bright sunlight.

Sirius hesitated. He knew he should go up to Remus and make up for biting his head off. But the thought of their dorm - hot, darkened and full of the suffering of his friend - repelled him. The urge to stretch his legs was impossible to resist.

"I'd rather go for a walk, to be honest" Sirius replied, kicking his boots on the stones impatiently. "I'll check on him later though" He added at the sight of James' raised eyebrow.

"Alright. Come back when you've blown off some steam" Said James.

The grounds were bright green and resplendent in the sun but the relief Sirius felt in leaving the castle didn't last long. He was so rarely alone that it felt strange to be a singular entity in the vastness of the grounds, without three others at his side. His bad temper had left him longing for solitude but, now that he had it, he realised that may have been a mistake. Without his friends there was no distraction from his thoughts. From his memories.

_How dare you abandon the house of your forefathers? How dare you befoul our bloodline?_

Sirius picked up his pace, despite the heat from the direct sunlight that was bearing down on him. The silver studs of his leather jacket were burning hot to the touch.

"Hey!"

Sirius turned sharply to see Regulus standing a few feet away from him. Despite clearly having had to run to catch up with Sirius, his younger brother looked as coolly polished as ever. Every inch of him the quintessential respectable Slytherin. Or, as Sirius preferred to see it, the presentable face of bigotry and prejudice. Looking at Regulus sometimes gave Sirius an unsettling feeling of uncanniness. He was a smaller, slighter, plainer version of himself: the cheekbones not quite as pronounced; the chin that little bit weaker; the neat, sterile haircut sharing only its colour with Sirius' rebellious straggle. But the look of defiance in both their eyes matched exactly.

"What do you want, you little freak?"

Sirius' ferocity made Regulus blink, but he quickly recovered himself.

"You've been ignoring Mother's letters"

"You call those filthy-worded diatribes _letters_?" Sirius said, bitter condescension dripping from each of his words. Then he gave a cold, humourless laugh. "You call that pureblood-obsessed lunatic a _mother_?"

Regulus' eyes flashed and a muscle jumped in his tight jaw.

"And I haven't been ignoring them actually" continued Sirius. "I've been ripping them up, exploding them, dropping them from a very tall height - "

"If you'd actually read them, you would have known that father is ill" Regulus cut across him. "We got the news from St Mungo's a month ago"

Sirius stood stock still for a moment, glaring down at his brother. "What's wrong with him?" He demanded flatly.

"Dragon Pox. Mother's beside herself" Said Regulus. Taking advantage of Sirius being disarmed by this information, he stepped towards him and began urgently: "Look, I'm not asking you to move back in - "

Sirius snorted at this. He couldn't imagine anything worse.

" - because I don't wish you to!" Regulus finished, a touch of colour in his cheeks. "But if you'd just reply - "

"Our parents forfeited their right to communication from me when they donated money to the fucking Death Eaters" Sirius had broken out of his hesitation now and his voice was low and dangerous. Regulus narrowed his eyes, recognising defeat.

"You're choosing the wrong side, brother" He said.

"The wrong side? So, the right side for you is the one murdering innocent people?"

"The right side for me is the one that's going to build a better world for wizards! That won't let our culture be diluted - "

"Oh you are the perfect little boot licker, aren't you?" Sirius said, incensed. "You've eaten up all of that lovely propaganda, haven't you? Merlin, the Death Eaters are going to love you. That is if they even let you join….you know they only take _skilled_ wizards right?"

"Maybe I know more magic than you think!" Regulus exclaimed, fists clenched. Always far slower to anger than Sirius, it sometimes seemed that he was the only member of the family without the famous Black temper. But now Regulus was scowling up at his brother and words burst from him quickly and passionately:

"Muggle-loving fools like Dumbledore barely scratch the surface of what is possible with magic. The Dark Lord will achieve things that no one else has before. You're just afraid that I'll become more powerful than you! That I'll eclipse you entirely and you'll just be some…some… _poser_ …a forgotten loser"

"There's more chance of Voldemort becoming the lead singer of a hair metal band than of you eclipsing me"

"Don't you dare say his name like that!"

"Oh, I do apologise. Did I get the special language of your little club wrong? You prefer the _Dark Lord_ , right? Is that what your pathetic little pamphlet told you to say?"

As they glowered at each other, memories of the previous Christmas flickered behind their eyes. Sirius had tried everything to avoid spending the holiday at Grimmauld Place. He had thought himself safe too until, immediately after the bell for the final class in December had rung out, McGonagall had come to find him. She wore an odd expression on her face as she informed him that his parents were waiting in her office and were insisting on escorting him personally back to London. When he'd raged and argued at this news, McGonagall hadn't scolded him. She'd just said softly: "It's out of my hands I'm afraid, Black. We can't keep students here against their parents' will".

On Christmas Eve he ran away. Sirius had spent the week leading up to it either holed up in his room or prowling around the streets of Camden Town. But a confrontation had been inevitable. And it had begun, as they so often did, over the newspaper. A story of government incompetence had led his father to mumble "too many Mudbloods in the ministry" and Sirius had seen red. His brother got involved and, amid a flurry of accusations, Sirius leapt upstairs and began turning Regulus' room upside down. It only took a minute to find what he was looking for. Slipped beneath Regulus' pillow was a shimmering, silver piece of parchment with a bold title in green ink: _Help Us Purify Our World_. Regulus' eerily cold face had watched him from the doorway as he madly ripped the document apart. Sirius had then proceeded to chase his brother down the stairs and into the main hall.

"You fool" His father had boomed at Sirius as he'd pushed himself between the two brothers. "Don't you know it was Black money that helped fund those pamphlets? The same money that keeps our noble house in its glory? The same money in your very pocket?"

A steely determination had settled on Sirius then. He knew what he had to do. "You will never see me again" He said steadily and, raising his wand, he summoned his never-unpacked trunk.

The final seconds of his time at Grimmauld Place were filled with noise and chaos. His mother started shrieking and Kreacher dived around his ankles, his sharp fingers drawing blood, crying viciously "I'll stop him, Mistress!". A great hoot came from the owl that had soared in to deliver a letter from the Improper Use of Magic Office and, at the clatter and tumult, the creature had started to flap and squawk. Regulus attempted to wrestle the trunk out of his grasp but Sirius had it in a vice grip and easily shoved past his brother. Sirius' father, despite claiming to despise all things Muggle, favoured his hands over his wand when it came to discipline. He roughly grabbed Sirius' hair in an attempt to force his son away from the door. But Sirius at sixteen had grown to be the both the tallest in the family and muscular from beater training. He was finally a match for his broad father. Sirius shoved him back against the mantelpiece, knocking hideous ornaments off to smash on the floor. A decisive kick dislodged Kreacher and sent him skidding across the floor to hit the wall with a thump. Sirius' mother's desperate calls "My son! My son!" were muffled by the slam of the door behind him. As soon as he was out in the cold air of the street, Sirius didn't hesitate. He stuck out his arm for the Knight Bus.

Wrenching his mind back to the present, Sirius looked at his brother now - still trapped in Grimmauld Place, determined to pursue a twisted ideology - and felt something stir inside him. Other memories were worming their way into his head now. Of a summer long ago. Of two little boys, feet dangling in the water of a canal, giggling together. Of racing through long grass hand in small hand. Of the older boy wiping away the tears of the younger after scraping a knee.

"Regulus, what will happen is that they'll sacrifice you to the cause, without a second thought. Voldemort doesn't give a shit about you - don't you get it? All he wants is willing pure blood bodies to join his death cult"

"As if you care what happens to me. All you care about is yourself!"

"Listen to me - you'll be nothing, Regulus!" Sirius was shouting now, filled with a furious urgency. "Just another dead kid on page four of the Daily Prophet with only Mother and Father to mourn you!"

"You're the one who's nothing!" Regulus' lips had turned white now. His face was frozen in fury. "You've turned your back on your family. You're a blood traitor. And you'll live to regret it"

With these words, the images of the little boys vanished. Instead, Sirius saw a hole burnt into a tapestry as Andromeda was obliterated from the family tree. He saw his mother's long fingers close over his wrist as she entreated him to meet yet another prospective pureblood girlfriend. He saw his father's amused smile when reports of Muggle-baiting came on the radio. And, ever-present in all these memories, was Regulus watchful face: his blank acceptance and allowance of it all.

Sirius leaned close to his brother and spoke slowly. "You're not my family"

His throat was hot and tight as he walked away. He struggled to wrestle back his composure, to force his face and body language into the uncaring, arrogant style he was known for. But sweat seeped through his t-shirt and he breathed heavily. When he finally looked back, his brother was long behind him. As were the groups of students congregated on the grounds. Now that he had walked almost as far as the Hogwarts gates, he was utterly alone.

The letters from his mother arrived most mornings. They were manic, foully worded rants written in wildly looping handwriting. Sirius would immediately destroy them without a word to his friends. Any time that James, Remus or Peter gently questioned him about his family he would shut down the conversation with a sharp, flippant joke and change the subject. Since Christmas Eve, Sirius had thrown himself into plotting with the Marauders with more vigour than ever. He was determined that each full moon would be bolder and more adventurous than the last. That the Marauders' Map be made bigger and better than they'd ever thought possible. That each prank be as outrageous and as scandalous as their imagination could allow. Every other spare second was filled with whacking bludgers, duelling practice and taking handsome dates into the castle's dark corners. Not even James knew the details of exactly what had happened with his family. Talking soberly and honestly with his friends about his feelings on his former home required a level of weakness that that Sirius wasn't prepared to give. But sometimes he wanted to.

Remus was the best listener. He was wise beyond his years. Sirius knew that, even if laid up with pre-full moon sickness, Remus would calmly and thoughtfully listen to everything without judgement. For someone who bottled up their own pain so much himself, he was never short of kindness and empathy. Sirius admired him for it, but had never told him so. Peter was the best comforter. He always knew what to say to make a person feel good about themselves. His unconditional admiration had a warming effect on the heart. James, however serious the situation, would always be able to crack the perfect joke to make them all collapse into laughter. But his relationship with James went deeper than that too, deeper than any other relationship in his life. James and Sirius could communicate with each other without words. One look from James was enough for Sirius to feel safe and understood.

That's what it had been like on Christmas Eve when Sirius had arrived, disheveled and shaken, at the door of the Potters' grand country house. Inside, the dining table had been gloriously decorated in Gryffindor red and gold. The three of them had been in the middle of dinner when Sirius had arrived and each were wearing a different novelty hat. The brightness of the candles, the rich colours and inviting warmth were shocking after the murky gloom of Grimmauld Place. The Potters had insisted he sit down to join them and, before Sirius knew it, a tall admiral's hat was on his head. When he'd looked up, he'd seen hanging above the fireplace two stockings. One with _James_ stitched on and another with _Sirius_. They dangled there side-by-side as if they'd always been like that. As if James and Sirius had been born brothers all along. Sirius hadn't allowed himself - or been allowed - to cry in his living memory but he'd had to blink furiously as Fleamont and Euphemia beamed at him. James had put a hand on his shoulder and said "You're home now, mate".

As he stood in the sweltering grounds, Sirius felt overwhelmed. It was too much. As soon as his front paws hit the ground, he started running: pelting through the thick grass at top speed, feeling the rush of air through his fur. Instantly, the bitterness and anxiety in his stomach from his conversation with Regulus disappeared as did the intense emotion of his memories of Christmas. All he could feel was the exultation of movement; the strength of his powerful paws on the ground; the glorious stretching of his legs. He reached the forest and pelted through the trees at its edge. It was only when he reached the part of the forest close to the Whomping Willow that Sirius finally crashed down to rest. He lay panting with his front paws stretched out in front of him, relishing being amongst the cool leaves and in the dappled shade.

A string of angry swear words suddenly made Sirius' ears prick up. Someone was close-by. Crawling low to the ground, Sirius stalked over the forest floor until he saw the source of the speech. Snape was standing, barely an inch out of the range of the Whomping Willow's furious branches, with his wand raised. Frustration was etched on his face as he, sweating and sunburnt, cast spell after spell on the tree's powerful branches. Sirius changed back to his human form and put his back to a tree trunk, leaning around to watch Snape. Snape was hellbent on his task, his greasy black hair bouncing around his face, and the Willow was getting more and more riled up in response. Sirius let the hatred wash over him. Snape was always one step behind them. Determined to ruin them in any way he could. A parasite. As Sirius emerged from the trees, James' words echoed in his head: _He'll become a Death Eater the day he graduates_.

"Black!" Snape jumped at the sudden appearance of Sirius. He turned his wand away from the willow and pointed it directly at him instead. "Following me are you?"

"I'd say you're the one creeping around, Snivellus"

"Where are your pathetic mates? Hiding are they? Like the overgrown children you are?"

Snape's voice was fierce but Sirius noted with satisfaction that there was an edge of fear to it. His movements were tense and jerky as he looked around; obviously expecting to be jumped by the others, not wanting to cast the first curse in case it was a trap. Sirius didn't speak and didn't draw his wand. He was enjoying Snape's confusion.

"What do you want?" Snape spluttered when Sirius didn't reply, unnerved by his uncharacteristic stillness.

"Oh, I'm just enjoying watching you fail" Sirius replied. "I'd recommend stepping a tiny bit closer though, witnessing you getting your arm ripped off would be even more entertaining"

"Highly amusing, Black" Said Snape. "But you're wrong. I'm not failing. I'm just getting closer"

"The only thing you're getting close to is castration by a tree" Said Sirius, carefully goading Snape.

"I know there's a passageway" Snape's eyes gleamed, clearly believing this to be his trump card; his way of proving to Sirius that he should fear him. Snape tightened his grip on his wand, preparing himself for a fight. But Sirius stood unmoving.

"Wow, you've worked out our dark secret" Sirius deadpanned. He shot a bolt out of the end of his wand which perfectly struck the knot at the base of the tree. The willow's branches were instantly frozen.

Snape's mouth fell open. He looked from Sirius to the rigid tree, nonplussed at this flippant confession from one of his worst enemies. Sirius stepped closer to Snape and his next words fell from him with a fervent inevitability. His hatred for Snape, for his parents, for every dark wizard pushed a mad viciousness into his words.

"But are you too much of a Death-Eater-loving quivering coward to come back after sundown?"

Snape forced an unpleasant laugh at these words. "You think I'm stupid, Black? That I wouldn't get ambushed by you and Potter as soon as my back is turned?"

"As much pleasure as ambushing you would give me, we've got detention tonight. Thanks to you."

As he turned away, he caught sight of Snape's eyes widening in recognition as the truth of this statement sank in. Sirius walked back to the castle under the afternoon sun without looking back.


	4. Under Moonlight

**Chapter 4 of 6: Under Moonlight**

"There are sixty-five toilets in Hogwarts castle" Said Filch, who was bobbing back and forth on his heels, a sadistic relish in his yellowy eyes.

"And tonight…you wretched miscreants…" He looked at them triumphantly and his jowls quivered unpleasantly.

"…you'll start with these ones. Wands!" Filch held out his gnarled hands.

James, Sirius and Peter sullenly surrendered their wands. Filch snatched them up greedily and shoved them into a dusty-looking pocket inside his ancient robes.

"And if I can't see my reflection in the bowls…there'll be hell to pay" He leered at them and squinted into each of their mutinous faces in turn before patting his leg for Mrs Norris to follow him out of the bathroom. "Come along, my sweet"

Once Filch was gone, James tipped his head back and let out his best melodramatic groan. _What a day_ , he thought as he dragged his feet towards one of the stalls, letting the bucket he was holding bump and slosh against his knee. Gryffindor was going to lose the House Cup, his new seeker was an absolute joke, they had a Transfiguration OWL on Monday which he'd barely revised for _and_ Evans was dating some pompous Ravenclaw buffoon. It never rains, it pours, James thought, bemoaning the nasty turn his weekend had taken. And to cap it all, poor Moony was out in the shrieking shack getting ready to spend full moon alone. Shaking his head, James began mopping and tried to think positive thoughts. His parents always said that physical work was character building…

"This is disgusting!" Cried Peter, from a nearby cubicle.

"Strength and fortitude, Wormtail" James called back, his voice echoing around the bathroom. "We're Gryffindors…we can handle anything!"

"You always say that…" Said Peter, mournfully.

James paused his mopping and frowned, realising that the next cubicle along - which housed Sirius - was deadly silent.

"Did you get a chance to apologise to Moony, Padfoot?"

James keenly hoped the answer to this question would be yes. Sirius just needed to cool down that infamous temper of his and Remus, Merlin help him, just needed to try and enjoy himself a little more. James, more than anyone, knew that his friends had their demons…but surely that was all the more reason not to fight each other? At least, James reassured himself, they only had two years of school left and then they'd be fighting Death Eaters shoulder-to-shoulder. There'd be no time for silly bickering then.

"No" Sirius' reply was low and quiet.

"Mate! You better do it - go see him first thing tomorrow morning when he's in the hospital wing"

This command was greeted with yet more silence. James rolled his eyes, irritated. What was the point in bottling up all your emotions when you had friends like them? Friends you could trust with your life! James himself was an open book. Sirius, Remus and Peter knew _everything_ there was to know about him. Although, James bit his lip, maybe there was such a thing as being too open. Maybe if he played it a little cooler, Evans wouldn't always look at him with such indifferent disdain. James was certain that if he could just get her alone and start a real conversation with her, she would understand who the real James Potter was. But it was impossible. The other day when he'd seen her reading an article about the Minister for Magic's radical new Dementor policy, he hastily prepared an opening line in his head in the hope of kicking off a lively debate - he genuinely wanted to know her opinion - but she'd given him a withering glance ("Don't even think about it, Potter") when she'd seen him approaching the sofa.

"I ran into Snivellus in the grounds today. He was creeping around the Whomping Willow" Said Sirius after ten minutes or so.

"Ugh" Said James, pushing the mop against the floor with a new violence. Having his thoughts of Lily interrupted by an image of Snape was intolerably unpleasant. Thank Merlin their strange friendship appeared to be over after Snape revealed his true colours to her by the lake. James tried to push down an uncharacteristic prickle of shame that crept around in his stomach at the memory.

_You're just an arrogant, bullying toe rag…_

But at least what happened had separated Snape from Lily for good. James couldn't stand the way he looked at her. Snape followed a movement that believed, in its most liberal corners, that Muggleborns deserved to be pushed out of the Wizarding World and, at its most extreme, that they deserved to be murdered if they refused. James couldn't think of anything in the world he found more disgusting. What possible motivation could someone with that kind of twisted ideology have for befriending the beautiful, talented Muggleborn Lily Evans? An unnatural obsession, that's what it was.

James plunged his mop back into the bucket, splashing himself and the cubicle with water. "As soon as that grease ball is wiped off the face of the earth, the better".

"Well you might get your wish tonight, Prongs"

James was now playing his favourite reel of carefully designed fantasies (Lily laughing as she took his arm in Hogsmeade; Lily applauding delightedly as he pulled off yet another incredible goal; Lily with her wand drawn fighting by his side) in order to purge his mind of Snape-related thoughts. As a result, he didn't hear Sirius at first.

"What was that, mate?"

"I said, you might get your wish tonight. Snivellus. Wiped off the face of the earth"

The fantasy reel faded. There was something a little odd about Sirius' tone: devoid as it was of his customary mischief and irony.

"How d'you mean?" James asked, stopping his mopping.

There was quiet for a moment from the other cubicle. And then Sirius spoke again, in the same oddly hollow voice.

"Snape's going to pay Moony a visit"

James blinked. His ears registered the words but his brain struggled to interpret them adequately. The mop dropped out of his slackened hand and clattered to the floor. He didn't notice.

"What?" James said blankly.

"Snape was being a little shit" Said Sirius. His voice, filled with a strange viciousness, echoed eerily as it bounced off the stone walls of the bathroom. "He was snooping around the willow…clearly desperate to get us expelled…probably practising some dark magic whilst he was at it. So I decided that enough was enough"

Even as James' mind fought to assure himself that he must have misheard, that Sirius couldn't have done this, it was as if his body knew the truth: his heart had begun to pound in his chest and there was a horrible sinking dread in the pit of his stomach. In a second, James had darted to Sirius' cubicle, staring in at him with a hand on either side of the door. Sirius stood in the half-light of the bathroom. His arms were folded and his cleaning equipment lay untouched on the floor. He looked back at James - his strong cheekbones looking oddly hollow in the greenish glow of the room, his skin almost waxy - and for an unnerving second James' best friend, his _brother_ , was unrecognisable.

" _What?_ " James repeated.

"He's going down the tunnel. Tonight. And it serves him right" Said Sirius. There was a closed-off look in his eyes that James had never seen before.

"What's going on?" Demanded Peter, who had wandered over to join them, unhappy with being left out. James put up a hand to silence him and, his head spinning, pressed on:

"You told Snape how to get past the Whomping Willow?"

"Yes"

"And he's going _tonight_?"

"Most likely"

With these words, his stubborn disbelief shattered. Rising in its place was a surge of raw adrenaline. James took off at a sprint with a litany of swear words pouring from his mouth. Half-slipping on the wet floor, he ignored whatever Peter was shouting after him and burst out of the bathroom and down the corridor. White noise filled his head and blood roared in his ears. The corridors were busy with students heading back to their common rooms for the night and James kept having to frantically dodge, weave and shove through them. A crazed kind of focus drove him on and sent the same words echoing repeatedly around his head: stopsnapesaveremusstopsnapesaveremusstopsnapesaveremus

His heart was hammering painfully and fear held his stomach in a vice grip. He couldn't believe this was happening, but there was no time to think anything through. The blurry view out of the windows as he passed them showed that dusk was over: the moon had risen and every second counted. Running would never get him to the Willow on time. He needed a….BROOM! Coming straight towards him were some chattering Ravenclaws hurrying to their tower, one of whom was holding a beaten-up old broom. When they saw James running straight for them at breakneck speed, they gasped and tried to scatter, bumping into one another. But James easily managed to snatch the broom and in one fluid motion had mounted it.

Now he was flying. Speeding recklessly close to the ceiling, James swerved to avoid chandeliers and ghosts, whilst the people below pointed and laughed as they witnessed what they thought was another legendary prank from James Potter. But he had eyes for one thing only: a large open window at the end of the corridor. In the blink of an eye, he had soared out into the open air. Flying at top speed and making sharp turns around the castle, the force of the air on his face caused James' eyes to stream and his hair to blow back. The willow was in sight now, illuminated by the bright moonlight, getting larger as he sped closer and closer…

James landed hard, his ankles jarring on impact with the sun-baked earth. But he barely registered the pain as the sight of the Willow with its branches stilled produced a feeling of such sickening horror that it overtook all other sensations. So it was true. And Snape must have only just entered the tunnel. Without hesitation, James threw down the broom and launched himself through the gap down into the underground passage.

As soon as he was inside, the air temperature dropped dramatically. Without a wand to light his way, he was plunged into near-total darkness. James was forced to run blindly, unfamiliar with navigating the space in human form.

"SNAPE! SNAPE!" James began yelling into the pitch darkness ahead.

His head scraped against the top of the tunnel as it began to narrow, but he kept up his pace. Bent-double, he kept on screaming:

"SNAPE! GET BACK! GET BACK!"

Then he saw a pinprick of light at what must have been the end of the tunnel; the entrance to the shack. The tiny dot grew as James sprinted towards it until -

"Potter!" A pale face, twisted with hatred, was illuminated.

James had to dive so suddenly to avoid Snape's jinx that he ended up sprawled in the mud at his feet.

"Don't curse me!" Said James, holding his empty hands up, as he hastily struggled up. "I'm unarmed I swear!" He was speaking so fast in his urgency that his words were garbled. "You have to get out of here right now, please come - "

"What is this place Potter?" Demanded Snape, thrusting his wand light into James' face.

"- come with me. You've got to get away from here. Please!" He continued to splutter.

In his urgency, he reached out to yank Snape's wrist to start dragging him away. This was a mistake. A quickly aimed curse found its mark this time and James was sent shooting backwards. He landed on his back, pieces of earth fluttering down onto his face from the tunnel ceiling.

"Nooooo!" James shouted as the light of the distant wand tip showed Snape passing through the opening to the Shrieking Shack. Scrambling to his feet once more, James pelted - his back painfully bent in the small space - after Snape.

He caught up with Snape in the stained, disordered first room of the shack. James looked around wildly but it was empty save for the battered and ripped furniture.

"What is this place, Potter?" Said Snape again, turning his wand on James. Snape's face was set and determined but, as his black eyes passed over the room, his voice became uneasy as a realisation sank in.

"This is…the Shrieking Shack…" He muttered.

"Yes. It is" James said, struggling to keep his voice under control. He knew that if he startled Snape or angered him in any way, he'd use his wand again and then they'd both be doomed. "And we're in a lot of danger. "Please…listen to me...we have to run...now!"

James took a step towards Snape, his hands raised in imploring submission. They had so little time. The wolf was close. It was only a matter of seconds until it sensed them there. James took another step.

Snape's "Get back, Potter!" was drowned out by a terrible noise. A high, keening, yearning howl from the upstairs room. The sound set James' hair on end and he felt hideously vulnerable in his human form. He knew first-hand the strength and speed of the wolf. And he knew it was consumed by desperate hunger.

Several things happened in quick succession. Snape looked up to the ceiling, stunned and terrified at the sound of the wolf, and James took the opportunity to seize him under the arms. He began physically dragging him back towards the tunnel but, before they could reach it, the sound of thick claws was pattering down the staircase and then…the werewolf was in the room with them. Its hackles were raised as it stalked towards them. Its sinewy, powerful legs bent as it prepared to pounce. The round yellow eyes held no trace of the friend that James knew and loved. Remus Lupin was far away and in his place was the absolute, ravenous evil before them.

As the werewolf snarled and made a great leap towards them, James did something he'd previously never been capable of. Though his wand was far away with Filch in Hogwarts castle, a desperate gesture with his empty hand managed to fling the huge, splintered wooden table across the room and whack it straight into the werewolf's side. As it fell to the floor with a guttural whine, James forcibly pushed the shellshocked Snape back down into the tunnel.

They began to run, but had barely made a safe distance until there was a sudden sound of smashing and the same keening howl was heard again. The werewolf had broken into the tunnel. Their running became wild and panicked as they rounded corner after corner of the tunnel's twisting lengths, the noise of frantic chasing claws getting louder and louder. James, in possession of stamina and fitness honed during endless Quidditch training practices, was coping better than Snape. Snape was taking quick, panicked breaths and starting to slow. A gnarled tree root, invisible in the darkness, tripped him and he tumbled forward to the ground with James landing in a heap on top of him.

"I can't….can't run anymore" Wheezed Snape.

James used every ounce of strength he had left to hoist Snape up and hurl him over his shoulder.

"We're getting out of here" He panted as he began running again, agonisingly low to the muddy earth. But the wolf was gaining and James knew they wouldn't make it; knew that at any second they'd feel the claws sinking into their backs. The brutal jaws were going to pierce their skin and spread that poisonous curse into their veins just before they were slaughtered. They would die in this dank, lonely place and Remus would wake in a deluge of their blood.

Then, words cut through James' despair. It was a spell aimed by Snape from James' back. Mud and rocks came crashing down behind them, followed by the muffled sound of furious howls. Finally, the pitch blackness was punctured by the light of the full moon up ahead: they'd reached the way out. James pulled Snape off him and roughly shoved him up out of the tunnel and into the night before heaving himself up after him. James was able to catch one final glance back into the darkness before the tree roots closed themselves behind him. It was impossible to see the wolf: it was lost behind the collapse of the tunnel.

James lay on the ground in exhaustion. Every gasping breath hurt his lungs and the muscles in his legs and back were screaming. He looked around for Snape but, with a jolt, realised he wasn't there. Sitting up, still panting, James saw the slim figure limping as fast as he could back towards the castle.

"Oh no you don't!" He yelled, getting to his feet and sprinting away after Snape.

He winced as the reawakened Willow landed a branch on his right shoulder. Ignoring this extra dose of pain in his body, James pursued Snape. When he was close enough, he gave a great leap and, with his arms around Snape's knees, tackled him down to the ground. Snape crumpled easily - his skinny body pinned beneath James' muscular one - and his wand flew away across the grass. James attempted to hold him down. He needed Snape to stay still to give him enough time to plan what to do next. But Snape had managed to flip himself over and was wriggling and thrashing wildly beneath James, refusing to be restrained. As James looked down into his white face, he saw something that made him feel nauseous. Instead of fear or shock on Snape's face, there was triumph. An unmistakeable gleam of victory was in his black eyes.

"I knew it! I knew there was something wrong with him!" Cried Snape as he bucked and fought against James' weight. "Your days at this school are over, Potter! You and Black and the filthy werewolf! Everyone's going to find out! This is the end for you!"

James continued to try and restrain him, desperately trying to pin Snape's legs with his own knees and hold his wrists to the ground, but Snape was kicking and pummelling every inch of James he could reach. When James finally managed to subdue Snape's legs, a punch landed square on his mouth. Stunned and tasting blood, James put his hand to his face. Taking advantage of his opponent's temporary distraction, Snape flipped over again and crawled along the grass, stretching out his hand towards the broom that James had left on the ground. Snape managed to fling himself on top of it, just as James hurled himself forward to grab his legs.

The broom began to rise with Snape sprawled over its middle and James clinging to the tail. As it rose, James shimmied himself forward towards the unbalanced Snape who was attempting to turn the broom towards the castle. The broom however, recognising James' superior skill, would not obey him. James, not convinced he would be able to reach a safe destination on the broom with Snape fighting him so vehemently, determined instead to send the broom spinning until Snape was dizzy and sick enough to yield. James could handle the speed for as long as necessary. The broom rose higher and James sent it turning in circles, even as Snape engaged him in another violent tussle for control.

"Stop…fighting…me" James shouted.

"I'll never….stop fighting…you…Potter"

The broom corkscrewed horribly. James grit his teeth as he sent the broom in stomach-churning twists and loops, holding the yelling Snape firmly in place, until -

"COME DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT"

It was a high, terrified voice from the ground. At that moment, James' body became light; as if he was underwater. His limbs felt floppy and slack. He, Snape and the broom floated apart and travelled back down to the ground to be lain gently on the grass. The two of them - bruised, shocked, exhausted - lay side by side, panting.

Then James felt frantic hands on his body. He was being patted down. Professor McGonagall was bent over him wearing a look of absolute fear that James would never have thought possible on his stern, stoic Head of House.

"Were you bitten?" Professor McGonagall asked James, peering into his face. " _Were you bitten?_ " She said again; a note close to hysteria in her voice. He could see Madam Pomfrey giving Snape the same treatment beside him.

"No" James managed to croak, his voice thick. "I'm okay. We're okay"

Professor McGonagall shut her eyes for a second, breathing deeply. "And is the passageway closed? Is it safe?"

James nodded, unable to speak. He realized that his face was covered with hot tears.

"James! James are you alright?"

It was Sirius, skidding to a stop on the grass next to James. His face was wild as he looked James up and down. James staggered to his feet and ignored the hand that was offered to him. He could barely look at Sirius.

"How could you?" James managed to whisper.

Sirius opened his mouth but, before he could speak, James felt anger bubble up from beneath his stunned exhaustion and overtake all other sensation.

"HOW COULD YOU?"

He shoved Sirius in the chest as he shouted. Tears were falling freely down his face now. Sirius didn't fight back. He simply stood with his mouth slightly open, the blood entirely drained from his face.

"He supports Voldemort, James. You know that" Sirius said in a breathless voice.

"No, no, NO" James' hands went to his hair, raking through it. It was as if the world had shifted on its axis. Everything that James had been so certain about, everything that had seemed perfectly immutable, had fractured. "How could you do this to _Remus?_ "

"Oh please, as if you all weren't in on it together!" Snape was standing now too, livid. "I saw Lupin in there - he was _desperate_ to attack. That's what his kind - "

What Snape was planning on saying next was obliterated in explicit protestations from James and Sirius, as well as furious requests for silence from Professor McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey. But suddenly two gentle words cut across everything:

"Silence, please"

They all stopped short. Albus Dumbledore stood before them on the grounds. His long hair and beard glowing a luminescent silver under the moonlight.

"Poppy - please go to Horace and ask him for three draughts of peace. They are to be left in the boys' dormitories for when they return to them tonight"

"Of course Headmaster"

Madam Pomfrey hurried away towards the castle.

"Minerva, please will you join me in escorting Mr Potter, Mr Black and Mr Snape to my office?"

McGonagall nodded and they began their silent walk behind Dumbledore. James still found it too painful to look at Sirius. He wiped his face on his sleeve and gulped. His head ached. The solemn walk to Dumbledore's office felt like it would never end. The halls were quiet and deserted now. The portraits followed them with curious eyes. Nearly Headless Nick uttered the start of an enthusiastic greeting to Dumbledore but shut his mouth abruptly at the sight of the expressions of this mournful party. The castle looked ghostly. For James, it was like walking through a memory: a pale imitation of the old world in which the idea that Sirius could betray Remus would have been laughable.

When they finally reached the office, Professor McGonagall stopped at the threshold and sternly let the three boys pass her into the room. James wanted her to accompany them; it would have felt more like one of he and Sirius' usual tellings off. A private audience with Dumbledore was something new. Dumbledore took his seat behind the great desk and conjured chairs for the three students. He laced his long fingers together and didn't speak for a few moments.

Snape - impatiently jittering in his seat - couldn't hold his words in anymore:

"Headmaster - _Lupin is a werewolf_. I saw him with my own eyes. They've been concealing him every month…they've been _harbouring a werewolf_ in this very castle, you must - "

But Snape suddenly cut himself off mid-sentence. His eyes were now wide and fixed on the calm face of Dumbledore as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"You already knew" He said slowly through gritted teeth.

"I am indeed aware that Remus Lupin is a werewolf, Severus"

"Professor - " Said Snape, aghast.

"Severus" Said Dumbledore, with a kindly note despite Snape's consternation. "You've been through a terrible ordeal tonight and for that I am truly sorry. But please do allow me to explain"

"Remus has been a werewolf from the age of just four years old. When I heard of his family's situation - having to shield Remus from the outside world, always on the move from suspicious town to suspicious town - I wanted to give him the opportunity they believed he could never have. I personally invited him to attend Hogwarts and made the arrangements so he could transform in safety and in secrecy. During his five years of attendance at this school, Remus has faithfully transformed every month inside what has become known as the Shrieking Shack. He remains there until he is himself again, at sunrise. Tonight is the first night that there has ever been a disruption to this routine"

James felt an unpleasant squirm of guilt at these words. Only last month, a fully transformed Remus had been padding around the Forbidden Forest chaperoned by he, Sirius and Peter in their illegal Animagus forms. Snape's eyes appeared as though they would pop out of his head and a vein was standing out on his temple. He looked like he didn't know where to start.

"Professor …you…you….invited him to this school despite knowing what he is?"

James felt his anger rising again. It was unbearable that Remus was exposed to this.

"Remus Lupin is a thoughtful, kind and brave young man. He also happens to be a werewolf" Said Dumbledore. "It is a terrible affliction that, for as long as he lives, he will never be free of. He copes with physical and psychological pain that the people around him can scarcely imagine. And he copes with immense dignity"

James' heart ached. Remus with his endless cups of tea. Remus with his quick wit and ready ear. Remus trying not to complain about the nightmares, the nausea, the secrecy. A new fear was settling inside James. How was Remus going to feel when he returned to the world at sunrise?

Dumbledore leaned forward and fixed his bright blue eyes on James and Sirius.

"Now, when I invited Remus to Hogwarts I was aware that it was highly probable any close friends he might make would eventually deduce that he suffered from lycanthropy. For this reason, I was careful to keep an eye out for who exactly these friends would be. I was pleased that, despite falling in with two of the most reckless students in Hogwarts history, he seemed to have earned the loyal friends he deserved"

Dumbledore paused and the room was silent except for the strange clickings and whirrings of his mysterious instruments around the room.

"But I must ask you, gentlemen" Dumbledore said, his voice softer than ever, as he addressed James and Sirius directly. "How exactly did Severus discover the technique for getting past the Whomping Willow?"

Sirius spoke immediately, his eyes meeting the Headmaster's.

"I told him, Professor"

Dumbledore sighed. Disappointment - although, James noticed, not _surprise_ exactly - was etched into the lines of his ancient face.

"And why did you tell Severus how to get past the Whomping Willow, Sirius?"

James finally forced himself to look at Sirius. He wanted to hear this. His best friend's face looked younger than it usually did. There was a lost, almost confused, look on his face. But his eye contact with Dumbledore didn't break.

"I…I was angry, Professor"

Dumbledore looked at him patiently, waiting for Sirius to continue. But he didn't.

"Your anger almost led to your good friend - your kind, witty, clever friend - butchering one of his classmates. An act which you must know Remus may not have been able to live with"

Sirius bowed his head then and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers.

"I've really fucked up" came out of him in a hoarse, horrified whisper.

James couldn't help it: he put an arm around his friend's heaving shoulders. Sirius' hand found James' and squeezed it painfully tight.

"'Fucked up?' You tried to have me killed. What is wrong with you?" Snape hissed at Sirius.

"An exceedingly good question" Came a sneering voice from the walls. "Certainly, no one else in the family has such a woeful track record. And now…befriending the school werewolf and proceeding to try and have him _murder_ a Slytherin…the Black family heir has truly surpassed his already abysmal reputation"

"Phineas" Said Dumbledore sharply. "Your observations are not required in this matter"

"But really Dumbledore - when all is said and done, it's the werewolf that is the real problem here. I told you from the start that it was dangerously foolish to accept a creature like that into Hogwarts - and now look what's happened! Two students almost infected!"

"It's not Remus' fault" Said Sirius, looking defiantly at the painted vestige of his ancestral house. "Its my fault. The only person who should be punished is me"

The former headmaster rolled his eyes but flounced back in his seat and didn't speak again.

"Though I am relieved to hear you accepting responsibility for what happened tonight, Sirius, I'm afraid I must press upon you the graveness of what you have done" Dumbledore said.

James waited for the blow to fall and, with his arm still around Sirius, started to plan: _I'll ask Mum and Dad to let Sirius live with them all year round. They'll agree - they love Sirius. Then I'll teach Sirius the NEWT level spells during the holidays myself - how hard can it be?_

"You are henceforth suspended from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry"

James let out the painful breath he'd been holding whilst Sirius jumped slightly in his seat.

" _Suspended?_ You're not _expelling_ him?" Snape hissed, a vein throbbing in his temple,

At this announcement, the other portraits awoke from their feigned sleep and began debating in earnest. Dumbledore held up a hand.

"No, I am not expelling him" Said Dumbledore.

This was too much for Snape and he leapt to his feet.

"Sirius Black set a WEREWOLF on me, Professor! I could have been brutally killed...or worse…turned into a halfbreed like - "

James and Sirius jumped up in indignation now.

"I must ask you not to use that appalling word in my presence, Severus" Said Dumbledore.

"Shut your Death Eater-loving mouth" Growled Sirius.

"Oh you think you're so much better than me, don't you Black? So moral?" Snape was squaring up to Sirius. "Where was your professed morality when you used Lupin to try and kill me? He wasn't your friend then was he? He was just a werewolf to you. A monster to do your bidding!'

"Sit down all of you"

As they sat, James realised that something unprecedented had just happened. A friend had been insulted in front of him but he hadn't been able to think of a single word to say in their defence.

"The Hogwarts Express will be waiting to take you down to Kings Cross tomorrow morning at eleven, Sirius. You will then spend the rest of the Summer at home until Sixth Year begins on the 1st of September. You will take your Transfiguration OWL from home. A private examiner will be assigned to you"

Sirius nodded mutely, taking in Dumbledore's words. Snape was shaking with righteous indignation. James could feel the floor trembling slightly.

"Professor I….I haven't been living at home for a while…." Sirius began, awkwardly.

"He broke mother's heart, you know…caused _quite_ the ruckus on Christmas Eve!"

Dumbledore silenced Phineas Nigellus with a look.

"Yes, I understand that Mr and Mrs Potter have welcomed you into their household" Said Dumbledore.

"They'll pick you up tomorrow, mate" James said quietly to Sirius. "Don't worry about it"

Sirius squeezed his eyes closed again.

"I will floo them first thing in the morning so they'll know to expect you. Now, Sirius, it is time for you return to your dorm. Professor McGonagall is waiting outside to escort you"

James was taken aback by the suddenness of Sirius' dismissal. As his friend turned to leave, James studied the expression on Dumbledore's face as he watched Sirius go. It was troubled. What was it that clouded his Headmaster's features? Wariness? Distrust? James didn't like it.

Now only three of them remained in the room. With Sirius gone, Snape had ceased his frustrated movements and, as Dumbledore's eyes moved to him, he was sitting perfectly still.

"Severus. I will not attempt to threaten, bully or bargain with you into keeping Remus Lupin's secret. If you chose to make the events of this night public, the world would most likely regard you as a courageous whistle blower and your position at this school would be secure. Indeed, there is really nothing I can do to stop you. I have no sanctions at my disposal in such a matter. All I can do is appeal to your compassion, Severus. I humbly ask you to please keep this information to yourself. I know that you have found a home here at Hogwarts. Please let Remus Lupin continue to keep his"

Snape sat without speaking. His expression was unreadable and he neither confirmed nor denied Dumbledore's request. James' mind whirled. If Snape revealed Remus' secret, there would be uproar: panic in the school, a Daily Prophet investigation, full blown war between the Marauders and the Slytherins. Was that what Snape wanted?

"I'll consider it, Professor" Said Snape and James strained to identify whether or not a sliver of sarcasm laced his words. "Now if you would give me leave to return to my dormitory; I wish to sleep"

James wracked his brain as Snape stood up at Dumbledore's reluctant nod. Surely Dumbledore's speech wasn't enough to compel Snape to secrecy? What if a chaotic, weakened Hogwarts was exactly what he wanted? A golden opportunity to undermine the one institution that Voldemort wasn't able to touch?

Inspiration struck. It was a hunch, but his instincts screamed at him to take the chance. Before Snape could sweep past him, James reached out his hand and took Snape's slender wrist. His touch was gentle and Snape looked down at him in surprise. As their eyes met, James spoke. The words were quiet but each one was carefully pronounced and crystal clear.

"Lily would never forgive you"

Snape stiffened. The expression on his face was uninterpretable, but James thought he saw something flicker behind the coal-black eyes. Agreement? Loosening his soft grip on Snape's skin, James let him sweep out of the room.

When he was alone with Dumbledore, James' body slackened in relief. He put his head in his hands for a few moments. When he lifted his face, he saw that the signature kindly glint had returned to Dumbledore's eyes.

"You did a very brave thing tonight, James. Few men would have had the courage to enter a werewolf's lair to rescue a friend, let alone a rival"

James puffed out air. "It doesn't count as brave when you don't have any choice"

"You could have chosen to do nothing. You didn't have to risk your life" Countered Dumbledore.

"And let Remus rip Snape apart? It's Remus' greatest fear to cause harm to someone - anyone! - when he's out of his mind. It would have destroyed him….completely broken him"

"Yes" Agreed Dumbledore. "Remus is devoted to you boys - sometimes against his better judgement I think - but I daresay he will find Sirius' betrayal tonight difficult to forgive"

James nodded miserably, then said slowly, "I don't think Sirius meant to betray Remus exactly. He's…he's…going through a difficult time"

Dumbledore's face was unreadable. He paused for a few seconds before speaking again.

"Sirius is…a troubled young man. But he has a great friend in you, James"

A memory of dancing on a table with Sirius, Remus and Peter flitted across James' tired mind. Could that really have been only twenty four hours ago? He had thought his Marauders were an impenetrable unit, but one night could have destroyed it all. The war outside the castle had never felt closer.

"I must ask you, James, whether there is anything you'd like to tell me" He said gently. "'Anything at all"

Dumbledore's eyes were piercing and, for a mad second, James thought he was about to confess everything under their sharp gaze: the fact that he could transform into a stag that very second if he wanted to; the fact that every month they took outrageous risks in the name of protecting Remus from himself. James could never doubt his loyalty to Dumbledore but in his heart he knew that no loyalty could be higher than that which he owed his friends. He wouldn't allow any more of Remus' secrets be spilled. He wouldn't allow him to suffer further pain.

"No. There isn't anything Professor"

Dumbledore nodded, seeming satisfied. James got up out of his seat and headed towards the door - almost hobbling from the stiffness and soreness in his back and legs.

"Professor?" A thought had suddenly struck him. "Someone needs to be there for Remus when he wakes up"

"I was planning on going to the Shrieking Shack and taking him to the Hospital Wing myself" Said Dumbledore.

"I'd like to come too. I mean - if that's okay with you Professor" Said James. "I just…I think it would be a good idea to have me there as well. An extra friendly face, you know? It might be a comfort to Remus…make him a little less panicky perhaps. I want to be there for him"

Dumbledore smiled at him, his blue eyes bright. "Of course, James. Thank you"


	5. Blood and Earth

**Chapter 5 of 6: Blood and Earth**

As soon as the sun rose, the wolf’s body shook and contorted. After the bone-breaking spasms subsided, Remus’ consciousness hurtled back into control of his wasted body. With his eyes shut hard, still lost in burning whole-body pain, Remus could feel the possessive wolf creep resentfully to its familiar position at the back of his mind. It crouched there to recommence its watching and waiting. Then as the transformation agonies started to fade, specific pains made themselves known. Ribs. Wrist. Spine. 

 

Remus tried to move his legs but found that something was holding them in place. He tried to wriggle his whole body, despite the shooting pains this caused, but felt the same thing. Feverish panic set in when, on trying to open his eyes, he found that he was blind. All was black. He blinked furiously and his eyes began to sting as a gritty substance started to enter them. Opening his mouth to utter a cry, he found it filled by a mixture of blood and…earth. The terror of the buried alive filled him. 

 

His lungs wheezed and rattled as he tried to take in too many breaths too quickly. Where was he? What happened? Memories flickered in his head but he couldn’t quite grasp them. 

 

_A chase…a tunnel…the smell of hot, fresh, pumping blood…_

 

Remus screamed. It came out as a strange breathy rasp. He kept screaming. 

 

All at once, the earth around him disappeared and Remus found himself tumbling down to land on solid mud. He was sprawled awkwardly; gasping at the white-hot pain in his ribs and wrist and unable to move an inch. Something soft came down to cover him and he heard a low voice speaking to him. 

 

“It’s alright, mate. Everything’s alright”

 

“James?” Remus managed to whisper. 

 

“I’m here. I’m here for you, mate. Everything’s gonna be okay”

 

Remus, naked and disorientated, was helped into a sitting position by James. He pulled the blanket closer around himself with trembling arms. Then another memory struck him:

 

_Salivating in anticipation…the joy of human flesh only moments away…_

 

Remus heaved and a gush of stomach acid, blood and earth was expelled onto James’ shoes. 

 

“Don’t worry, mate. Cleaning charm’ll - ” Began James, attempting a tone of jaunty reassurance.

 

“Did something happen?” Remus choked. “Did I…did I…” His throat felt like it was closing up. 

 

“No one has been hurt, dear boy” 

 

It was a different voice. Remus raised his brimming eyes to see Professor Dumbledore. He too was kneeling in the tunnel beside James in a manner that belied his advanced years. The hem of his richly embroidered cloak was filthied.

 

Remus tried to speak again, but found that no sound would come out. The last thing he saw before oblivion claimed him was Dumbledore’s blue eyes filled with tenderness as he put a hand to Remus’ head. 

 

——————————

 

His second awakening was the opposite to his first. Instead of suffocating darkness, there was white light. Soft sheets instead of cold earth. He had pyjamas on and his body felt clean. What he recognised as Madam Pomfrey’s signature pain relief charm had wrapped his body in a pleasant, anaesthetic hum. The deep sleep Remus had just woken from still swaddled his mind and he felt comfortably blank. Everything was in soft focus. 

 

Gradually, he recognised where he was: the hidden quarter of the Hospital Wing; the small private room installed to deflect suspicion away from his frequent visits. Blinking slowly, Remus turned his head to see Professor Dumbledore seated at his bedside. 

 

“Professor?”

 

“Good morning, Remus”

 

“What time is it?” Remus eased himself up into a sitting position. He groggily raised his hand - it felt like it was moving through water - to his cheek and felt the prickly scabs left by a deep gash. 

 

“Around ten I believe” Said Dumbledore. “You’ve had about five hours of rest since sunrise, but I would urge more. Once we’ve had our discussion, I’ll let you spend the rest of your Sunday in slumber”

 

“Our…discussion, Professor?” 

 

Remus looked down at what remained of his nails. They were ripped jaggedly down to the cuticles. The whole left side of his abdomen was sore, but from tender bruises rather than slashes. That was unusual. Remus’ brain was churning; trying to seek order from the fractured recollections of the previous night. The wolf’s consciousness was more sensual than his own and it rendered images less crisply, but out of the whirling tempest came something unmistakeable:

 

_The crush of falling earth. The thrill of the hunt. The bliss at the sight of terror in four human eyes._

 

The speed of Remus’ heart suddenly increased dramatically. It palpitated painfully in his chest. His breath hitched and he gripped the blanket with numb fingers, struggling desperately against the tightly-tucked sheets around his body. 

 

“No one has been hurt, Remus” Dumbledore was standing now, rubbing Remus’ back. “Breathe, now, breathe”

 

But Remus couldn’t. For all the throat-scraping breaths he was taking, no air seemed to be entering his lungs. Yet he could hear mad, garbled words all around him: “There were people…there were people….Professor!” 

 

Madam Pomfrey was suddenly present and tipping his head back with her assured fingers. As he swallowed down the familiar taste of a Draught of Peace, Remus caught sight of something unfamiliar: the Hogwarts nurse had tears in her eyes. As the solution began to filter its way through his body, Remus felt the sharp edges of panic start to smooth. Once his body had relaxed and his heart rate returned to normal, he looked back at Dumbledore. He was ready. He had to know. 

 

“Last night, Severus Snape and James Potter entered the Shrieking Shack whilst you were transformed. Neither was harmed. They both escaped without even a single scratch from you” 

 

Remus’ eyes closed involuntarily as the great relief flowed over him like a wave. No one was hurt. He finally believed it. 

 

“The story of how they came to be there will give you no joy, I’m afraid to say. It transpires that Severus has long been suspicious of your disappearances. I suspect that his rivalry with James added fuel to his determination to uncover the truth about you. On obtaining the knowledge required to still the Whomping Willow, his curiosity led him down the tunnel beneath it and into the Shrieking Shack last night at the full moon. Thankfully, James Potter found out what Severus was doing and, at mortal risk to his own life, pursued him and dragged him out of the tunnel just in time” 

 

Remus eyes snapped open again. There was a storm of questions in his brain that not enough Draught of Peace in the world could subdue.

 

“But how did Snape - Severus - even figure out how to get past the Willow? And how did James know that he had gone down into the tunnel last night? And on a full moon of all nights! I don’t understand, Professor…”

 

“It grieves me to tell you this…” Dumbledore sighed. “Sirius told Severus that touching the knot at the base of the tree would freeze the branches. He then challenged Severus to go below and follow the tunnel to the end. Some time around sunset, Sirius informed James of what he had done and James instantly ran to prevent the terrible chain of events that could have followed”

 

“I don’t think that can be right, Professor” 

 

Remus furrowed his brow as he considered what he had just heard. As a theory, it just didn’t stand to reason. Remus wracked his brain for a solution. It was true that Snape had been spying on them for months…so…they must have been clumsy somehow. They could have forgotten to cast a silencing charm. Or perhaps Snape possessed skills that they didn’t know about. Remus had heard rumours that he was attempting leglimency. He’d initially dismissed these…(what fifth year could master that level of advanced magic?)…but there was no doubt that Snape was a gifted wizard….

 

“I’m afraid, that is what happened” Said Dumbledore, gently. “It appears that Severus riled Sirius up sufficiently so that, in a fit of anger, he revealed the secret and dared its pursuit”

 

“But Sirius wouldn’t do that, Professor” Said Remus slowly. He was trying not to sound like he was patronising the greatest wizard of their age, but it was exceedingly odd that Dumbledore would have come to such a conclusion. Sirius had a temper - everyone knew that - but to commit an act of treachery in such a calculated - not to mention _murderous_ \- act of cold blood? It was beyond far-fetched. However uncharacteristic it was of the headmaster, Dumbledore had got the wrong end of the stick. And the pity in his eyes was starting to make Remus feel frustrated. 

 

“I’m afraid that Sirius confessed doing so last night in my office”

 

Frozen in confusion, Remus could only stare dumbly at Dumbledore as he continued:

 

“I know that you will feel this as a terrible betrayal, Remus. I wish with all my heart that I could spare you the pain. Only you have the right to decide if forgiveness is the appropriate response. I will tell you though that Sirius has shown true remorse for what he has done. He waited outside the Hospital Wing ever since we brought you in early this morning. Poppy was forced to banish him back to Gryffindor Tower to pack his things” 

 

“Pack his things?” 

 

“Yes. He has been suspended from Hogwarts. He has now vacated the castle to catch the 11am train from Hogsmeade to London accordingly. He will be returning at the start of your sixth year, but his fifth year ends today”

 

Remus felt muddled. Why would Sirius shoulder the blame like this? There was much more to this story, of that he was certain. He needed to speak to his friends immediately.

 

“Where’s James, Professor?” 

 

“Madam Pomfrey took one look at James Potter and, rather forcibly, ejected him from the Hospital Wing. Professor McGonagall accompanied him to Gryffindor Tower with a sleeping draught in hand. I suspect that James will be taking a much deserved - albeit unwilling - nap in Gryffindor tower for a little while yet. Peter Pettigrew was also keen to see you”

 

_Of course_ , Remus thought, _they’re desperate to see me so they can tell me the truth of what’s going on here._

 

“As I’m sure you can imagine, Sirius was determined to speak to you in person this morning but Poppy insisted on you not being disturbed. He has written you this letter instead which he asked me to give you”

 

From inside his robes, Dumbledore pulled a scruffy, fat envelope. It seemed to be bursting at the corners. 

 

_Answers_ thought Remus, taking it swiftly. He frowned slightly at its weight. Sirius was usually concise. He carefully unwrapped the wad of paper and began to read, subtly shielding the wildly written pages from Dumbledore’s gaze. Whatever had induced Sirius to claim such a deed was clearly not meant to be known by the Headmaster. 

 

But his frantic eyes never read past the first line. By that time, his hands had started shaking too much to hold the parchment steady.

 

_“Moony please believe me when I tell you that I am so sorry from the depths of my fucking unworthy heart. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness but….”_

 

Sirius’ handwriting. The truth hit him like the first pangs of transformation.

 

“Of course, you’ll want to finish reading in private” Said Dumbledore. 

 

Remus’ bloodless hands opened to let the pages drop and scatter on his lap. The effects of the Draught of Peace had entirely faded. Everything was back in sharp definition. 

 

“Professor…you…you said that James dragged Snape out _just in time_. What does that mean exactly?” He said quietly. 

 

“It means that Snape’s life was saved. But it was not possible to prevent Snape from learning the truth. He knows that you are a werewolf”

 

Remus’ hands crunched around the pages before him and he lent forward on the bed in grief. It was all over. 

 

“Snape will tell everyone. I’ll have to leave school” Remus’ voice was muffled. 

 

“I spoke to Severus last night and Professor Slughorn and I had another word with him this morning. He has assured us of his intention to keep your affliction a secret. You are safe at Hogwarts”

 

_Everything wasted, everything gone._

 

There was a frantic knocking at the door and Professor McGonagall burst in. 

 

“Albus…Lupin…I’m so sorry to interrupt” Her eyes rove across the room. When they fell on Remus, bent forward on the bed with the crushed letter before him, they flashed with pain, but she wrenched them back to Dumbledore. “Headmaster…an urgent message from Alastor Moody. There’s been another attack in the capital”

 

Dumbledore stood up. As he did so, his face looked wearier than Remus had ever seen it. He looked down at him with tender regret. 

 

“Remus, please accept my apologies. I am needed in London, but I’ll send Poppy in for your care straight away. We will talk more on my return, you have my word”

 

“That’s fine, Professor” Remus found himself saying woodenly.

 

As he watched the Headmaster leave, Remus remembered the evening six years ago when a tall, silver-bearded, long-nosed stranger had politely insisted on crossing his parents’ threshold and changing their young son’s life. He was going to be the first infected werewolf ever to graduate Hogwarts.

 

_Everything wasted._

 

Madam Pomfrey entered the room and softly shut the door behind her. Bustling over to him, she began tightening the magical bandages that covered his self-inflicted wounds.

 

“It’s time for more sleep. You’ve been through too much this morning”

 

She pushed a goblet of dark purple liquid into Remus’ hands.

 

“I never would have believed it of a Hogwarts student. It’s shocking. Just _shocking_. If I was the Headmaster, I would have expelled him on the spot” She was shaking her head vigorously. “Thank Merlin for James Potter”

 

“Yes” Said Remus. His gratitude to James was too immense to contemplate: thinking of it was like staring off the edge of a cliff face. 

 

“Now, you’re to drink that down. And I’ll be staying here to keep an eye on you. Any student that comes to the Hospital Wing in hysterics about revision will simply have to pull themselves together” She said, reaching for the chair that Dumbledore had vacated. 

 

“Thank you, Poppy” Said Remus. He had long been the only student - perhaps in Hogwarts history - to be on first name terms with Madam Pomfrey. He summoned all of his self control: it was crucial that he not slip from his usual measured and polite tone. 

 

“I appreciate your concern, I really do. But…I’d very much like to be alone. It’s all been rather a shock”

 

Madam Pomfrey hesitated, but after a keen look into Remus’ calm and still face, she relented. 

 

“ _Fine_. But it’s absolute peace and rest for you. I won’t tolerate any attempts to get up and about - and don’t even _think_ about trying to revise!” 

 

For a moment, Madam Pomfrey looked as though she were about to do something unheard of - kiss her pale, dishevelled patient on the top of the head. But, thinking better of it, she quickly turned and left. In all the years he had spent in her care, if Madam Pomfrey had ever felt alarmed or put-upon by being given the charge of a dark creature, she had never shown it. He felt a flash of guilt at deceiving his constant healer and protector, but there was nothing else to be done.

 

Remus set the full goblet quietly down on the bedside table. Then he picked up the haphazard pages of Sirius’ letter and began to methodically tear them into smaller and smaller pieces. When he had finished, he brushed the white paper shards unceremoniously to the floor. Leaning to the side of his bed, and ignoring the pain in his recently-cracked rib, Remus opened the bottom drawer of the bedside table. His wand lay there; in the exact spot where Madam Pomfrey always trustingly left it for him when he was recuperating.

 

Remus moved back the sheets, and gingerly set his feet down onto the cold floor. Taking a deep breath - though his whole body screamed at him not to stand - he pushed himself up. Concentrating hard, he cast an imperturbable charm on the door and then shuffled towards the window. With just his bare hands he was able to prise up the flimsy blind that kept out the harsh sunlight from the room. There was not so much as a minor charm placed between Remus and the open air - but, of course, why would there be? No one ever expected him to do anything rash. He was the reliable one: the one with the prefect badge; the one who was always on map-watch; the one you could apparently use to murder an enemy whenever you fancied. 

 

Remus hooked one leg and then the other over the window sill. He sat for a moment feeling the hot sun bearing down on him and the breeze on his sock-clad feet. He must have been at least 70 feet up and he could see for miles over the fields and mountains in all their green splendour. He’d remember this view, he promised himself. He’d remember the beauty of the morning during the seconds before he did the thing he had always promised himself he would never do.

 

Casting a cushioning charm at the hard ground below, Remus gripped his wand hard and let himself flop limply out of the window. The wind whistled through his pyjamas as he left the castle. The grass came to meet him alarmingly fast, but the impact was akin to landing on the softest of feathers. As Remus got to his feet, pain blossomed throughout his unrecovered body. But he grit his teeth in determination: he had a train to catch. 

 

With his shoulders slightly hunched and his hands balled into tight fists, he began an excruciating sprint across the grounds. As he prayed that no teacher was looking out of a window at that precise moment, he was also careful to give any groups of revising students an extremely wide berth as he pelted away from the school. The burning sun made him squint and sweat started to pour from his clammy skin. His limbs, only recently broken and mended, screamed at him in protest. He’d never even attempted to run on the morning after a full moon before. He felt horribly light-headed, as if he could keel over at any moment. Racing through the Hogwarts gate, he was finally out of the school’s bounds. Veering left, he began to follow the curved path to the station. His feet were pounding on hard ground now and his socks were tearing.

   
Remus couldn’t bear to look anywhere but straight ahead in case a single glance at the familiar turrets and towers shook his resolve. His heart ached for Gryffindor Tower and for James and Peter. But saying goodbye was impossible: he knew he would crumble under the slightest bit of pressure to stay. And staying would be a million times worse than leaving. It was only a matter of time until Snape broke the news of his condition and Remus wanted his memories of Hogwarts to remain pure and unsullied. A clean break was better than being forcibly removed. Anything was better than seeing the judgement in the eyes of his classmates; of hearing the sadistic taunts; of witnessing Audrey’s face twist in disgust at the sight of him being dragged out.

 

His parents had done their best to shield him from the truth, but he knew what happened to werewolves when they were exposed by their communities. After all…there was only one sure-fire way to cure a werewolf. James, Peter and some of the teachers would try to shield him from violence, of course, but the last thing Remus wanted was to bring trouble down on their heads too. So he was doing what the Lupins had always done: fleeing from the prospect of discovery. His parents had told him time and time again - keep his head down; don’t get too close to anyone; prioritise his studies above all else - and he’d sworn to them he’d comply. But he’d been so keen to be liked by the hilarious, mercurial, forces of nature he’d found himself sharing a dorm with that he’d allowed their warnings to fade. Now, the truth that they had so carefully guarded would be splashed across the Daily Prophet. It would surely be the final nail in the coffin of a marriage plagued by misfortune.

 

The giant clock at Hogsmeade station told him that there were five minutes remaining until 11am. The platform was deserted save for the gleaming Hogwarts Express. Remus, as he fought to get his breath back, considered the magnificent train: the Black family heir got the royal treatment even in the midst of exile. Before anyone as yet unseen could question him, Remus pulled himself up into it. He held his wand down at his side and began shuffling his way down the train. He ignored the steady drip of blood that plopped onto the floor as he walked. 

 

It didn’t take him long to find Sirius’ carriage. An explosion of luggage surrounding him, Sirius was alone and leaning forward with his head bowed in his hands and his smooth dark hair covering his face. Remus looked at him for a moment through the glass door. He softly slid it open. Sirius didn’t move. 

 

“Why did you do it?” Remus asked to announce his presence. There was an odd hollowness to his voice. It sounded eerily calm and unfamiliar even to his own ears. 

 

Sirius started and his head came up off the table. His face - hair sticking to his cheeks - was a mask of shock and confusion. Looking as if he’d seen a ghost, he looked Remus up and down; taking in his blood-stained pyjamas, his shoe-less feet.  

 

“Moony….what are you _doing_ here?” He said, incredulously “You’re supposed to be in the hospital wing!”

 

“I’ve left Hogwarts” 

 

“What?” Said Sirius, getting to his feet and starting to edge his way out behind the table. “That’s insane!”

 

“I don’t want you to come any closer” Remus warned him.

 

Sirius paused and slowly sank back to sit on the very edge of the seat. Though it was not pointed his way, his eyes flicked to the wand that Remus held at his side. 

 

“What do you mean you’ve left Hogwarts?” Sirius said, slowly and cautiously, as if talking to someone out of their mind. 

 

“Well, since everyone knows I’m a werewolf I felt it incumbent upon me to leave”

 

“WHAT?” Sirius was up on his feet again. “That FUCKING slimeball. He told everyone?!”

 

“Not yet. But it’s really only a matter of time”

 

“Dumbledore was certain this morning that Snape was going to keep it a secret”

 

“You really believe that? You trust Snape do you?” Said Remus sharply; a flint of threat creeping into his words. 

 

“I trust Dumbledore” Said Sirius firmly. “He told me, James and Peter this morning that your secret was safe. Dumbledore’s not stupid! He’d know if Snape was lying to him. Listen to me - _you don’t have to leave Hogwarts!_ You need to get off this train!”

 

That Sirius would _dare_ tell Remus what to do kindled a fire in his chest. Sirius was prepared to trust his most despised enemy - a person he had recently tried to have killed - for no reason other than pure, unadulterated wishful thinking.

 

“Why did you do it?” Remus asked again, his voice low and dangerous. 

 

Sirius, caught off guard, froze. His eyes were tortured. There was something close to fear in them.

 

“I’m so sorry” He whispered

 

“I didn’t ask whether you were sorry, I asked you why you did it” Said Remus, coldly. 

 

“I…I was angry”

 

“What sort of reason is that?” Spat Remus. 

 

“Didn’t you read my letter?” Sirius’ was blinking rapidly.

 

“No” Remus said flatly. “Your vain essay of justification is in pieces on the floor of the Hospital Wing. I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me why you did it”

 

“I tried to speak to you in person, but they wouldn’t let - “

 

“ _Why?_ ” He snapped. 

 

Remus could feel the wolf stirring at the back of his mind; roused by his wavering control over his emotions.

 

“I want to know why you were willing to let me tear Snape apart. If you wanted him dead, you could have done it yourself, so why use me?”

 

“It wasn’t like that…I…” Sirius stuttered. “He was trying to expose us. Trying to - ”

 

“So you’re saying he was asking for it?” Said Remus, interrupting in a flash. He hadn’t truly lost his temper since he was a young child and unversed in the art of suppression. But he could feel it rising now. “Snape was asking to have his throat ripped out?” 

 

The image of his own words - conjured by the memory of the previous night’s blood lust - was so vivid that it caused Remus to sway nauseously on his feet.

 

“I just wanted to scare him!” Said Sirius desperately.

 

“Scare him? _Scare him_? You’re not stupid, Sirius. You know better than anyone what I’m capable of!” Remus spoke through gritted teeth, trying to keep his volume controlled. Let Sirius be the one with a beast’s lack of self-control.

 

“I am really fucking stupid! This is the worst thing I’ve ever done!” Sirius shouted, raking his hands through his hair.

 

“You’d have me kill an innocent person” 

 

Sirius clenched his jaw. Even as a tear was making its way down his face, he couldn’t stop himself: “Innocent?”

 

“You hate dark magic so much that you’re willing to stoop to their level?” Countered Remus. “Maybe you’re not as unlike your family as you think” 

 

There was nothing Sirius could say in response to this. He met Remus’ intense gaze helplessly.

 

“And you could have killed James too” Remus continued. 

 

Sirius pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes as his body sank back onto the seat, hiding his face. 

 

“And _I’d_ be the one punished for it” 

 

“No…they…everyone would know it was my fault, not yours” Sirius rasped.

 

Remus let out a cold, uncharacteristic laugh. 

 

“Sirius Black, naive? I never would have believed it. Do you really think that’s how the ministry would have seen it? A werewolf wakes up surrounded by two mangled bodies and it’s the pureblood that gets the blame? That is not how our society works and you know it. Forget being kicked out of school - that’s a life sentence in Azkaban. That is - if they were able to catch me before I threw myself off the Astronomy Tower”

 

No more words were spoken whilst Sirius heaved great gulping sighs and rubbed at his face. When the quiet was punctuated by the sound of dripping blood, Sirius looked down and then up to see the pools of red that were pluming in various areas of Remus’ pyjamas.

 

“Mate. You…you…don’t look good” Sirius blinked, as if waking from sleep, before standing up and approaching him with concerned etched across his strained face.

 

“Don’t touch me, please” Said Remus quietly, taking a step back further into the corridor. 

 

“But you need help!” Sirius insisted, his voice rising. “Goddammit, Remus, you shouldn’t even be here! The train’s gonna leave at any second. You’ve got to get back to Madam Pomfrey”

 

“I’ve already seen her” Remus said coldly. “I’ll be well enough for the journey. This is my best route out - ” 

 

“The _journey_?” Sirius interrupted him. “You cannot be serious! You’re not even wearing any bloody shoes. Where the hell are you planning to go once the train pulls into London?”

 

Remus didn’t answer. He just continued his burning glare at Sirius.

 

“That’s what I thought. Great plan, mate” Said Sirius, suddenly sounding more like his usual self. “You’re going to go back to school right now”

 

Remus’ hand tightened around the wand at his side. Sirius’ fingers brushed the tip of his wand where it lay on the table.

 

“Don’t tell me what to do” Said Remus.

 

A high whistle sounded from the platform. Both wands began to rise. 

 

“You have an OWL tomorrow. I’m not going to let you fail it” 

 

“An OWL?” Remus gave another joyless laugh. “What does that matter now?”

 

There was a creek and a great shudder beneath their feet. The train had begun to pull away. 

 

“I’m getting you back to school if it’s the last thing I bloody do” Growled Sirius. 

 

They pointed their wands at each other simultaneously and the train became a disorientating whirl of sparks and noise. All the hexes and jinxes the two knew were flying and ricocheting off the windows and walls of the train corridor. Remus knew he was in trouble. The adrenaline wasn’t enough to numb his post-transformation pangs and with every duck and weave he could feel his bandages slipping. Sirius - fit and aggressive - was pushing him further and further backwards down the corridor. When they reached the train’s end, one second’s lag in his reaction time found Remus’ wand sailing out of his hand and into Sirius’. Disarmed, Remus was then quickly winded by the force of Sirius’ body on his. Sirius was pushing him towards the train door and attempting to wrestle his arms behind his back. 

 

“What the hell are doing?” Cried Remus in alarm. 

 

Sirius had him pinned to the wall now and was pointing his wand at the door which was barely three inches away from where they stood. It flew open, sending a great gust of steam and sound into the carriage. Through the puffy clouds outside, Remus could just make out the blurred outline of the Forbidden Forest.

 

“You’re not throwing your life away!” Sirius yelled over the noise, fighting to keep the frantically wriggling Remus still. 

 

“My life was thrown away when I was four fucking years old!” Remus shouted into Sirius’ ear, overcome with fury at this physical overpowering. 

 

Something snapped. The wolf leapt. Remus heard a loud _crack_. 

 

Blinking, and with a throbbing hand, Remus saw Sirius reeling back away from him, clutching his face. Blood spewed from beneath his hands down onto his front. Remus’ mouth fell open in shock and the white-hot rage dissipated. All the anger seemed to leech out of him. In its place was a sensation far worse. Futility. Barely one day ago, he had lived a life of pranks and prefect duties; of mad adventures and fierce trust. A life both ordinary and extraordinary. Now he was reduced to the destiny demanded by his cursed blood. He was violent. Rootless. 

 

_Everything wasted. Everything gone._

 

“You asked me…two nights ago…” Remus said in a shaking voice, barely audible over the roaring of the train. “whether I ever wanted to take a break from being myself. But you already know that the answer to that question is yes. _All the time_ ” 

 

Sirius held his gaze and straightened up, letting his nose flow unstaunched. 

 

“Well…I feel the same way about myself sometimes” Said Sirius. 

 

Remus felt too drained to reply. Bloodied and exhausted, they could only stare at one another as the chugging sound of the accelerating train grew all around them. 

 

“Don’t run away” Said Sirius. 

 

With a set expression, he suddenly threw Remus’ wand back to him. Remus caught it confusedly but by the time he realised what was going to happen, it was already happening. As Sirius pointed his wand at his chest, Remus felt a sudden weightlessness. His feet separated from the train floor and, with the force of a cannon, his body was expelled out of the open carriage door. 

 

For half a disorientating second, he was lost in a whirling roar of steam, but then he was away and soaring backwards through the empty air to be engulfed by the waiting forest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Hogsmeade Station geography is based on JK’s hand drawn map of the Hogwarts grounds. On it, you can see the route that I had Remus run from the castle to the station as well as the portion of the railway track that runs alongside the Forbidden Forest (I assume that it must bend south at some point). If you’ve never seen this drawing before, I highly recommend Googling it because JK’s sketch of the giant squid is the cutest thing.


	6. Bright Sky

**Chapter 6 of 6: Bright Sky**

 

The air was cool in the owlery. Even in the warm weather, a constant wind blew down from the top of the highest munro behind Hogwarts to come whistling through the glass-less windows of the narrow, exposed tower. It was this breeze that ruffled Lily Evan’s thick hair as she ascended the steps that circled its inside walls. A thousand years of memories were embedded in the thick, lichened stone - from all the generations of students who had sent owls flying in all directions laden with their letters of homesickness; triumph; rage.

 

Alone here, Lily found the calm she had been craving. With each quiet step, she could feel the fuzzy lethargy from her hours of transfiguration revision that morning falling away. Treading carefully to avoid snapping the bones of the mice skeletons that littered the stairs, Lily made her way higher towards the rafters. She passed orange-eyed long-eared owls; elegant white barn owls; an enormous eagle owl that looked likely to give her fingers a hearty nip if she brought them too close, until she at last found the owl she was looking for.

 

“Hey Stanley” Said Lily quietly. 

 

The Lupin family’s elderly tawny owl was nestled in one of the stone nooks, dozing. Lily gently stroked its downy brown head. 

 

“I’ve got some letters for you” She whispered.

 

From the pocket of her denim dungarees, Lily pulled two envelopes. Stanley blinked his beetle-like black eyes slowly up at her as she attached the first one - _Gareth and Kathleen Evans_ \- to his leg with string. Lily hesitated over the second - _Petunia Evans_ \- turning it over and over in her fingers. She must have drafted and redrafted it a dozen times since Remus agreed to lend her his owl on Friday night. It was an invitation. A peace offering. Lily’s internship at the International Confederation of Wizards was in Llubljana and - although Petunia obviously wouldn’t be able to go anywhere near the conference itself - Lily had a vision of welcoming her sister off the plane...spending the weekend cycling around the town…rekindling a sisterhood, far away from the cloying, unfairly weighted pride of their parents.

 

In order to set quill to parchment, Lily had to first swallow the painful memory of the last words her sister had spoken to her. When Petunia’s university friends had visited Cokeworth for the day, Lily had attempted to introduce herself. She’d barely reached the living room door before there was a pinching vice grip on her arm and Petunia was marching her back up the stairs, hissing in her ear:

 

_“These are my friends - don’t you dare embarrass me! You belong with the rest of the weirdos at your freaky school not here with us”_

 

Try telling that to certain Slytherins, Lily thought bitterly. The low mutters of the group of seventh year Slytherins she’d passed on her way to the owlery that morning rang in her ears. 

 

_You lost, Muggle? You know when the new world comes I could have you ironing my robes. How would you like that?_

 

She despised the feel of their eyes travelling over her body as she walked. How they ogled her even as they threw _Mudblood_ at her. But she took pleasure imagining their nasty surprise when the jinx she subtly cast back at them would take effect - smack bang in the middle of dinner. Lily had perfected a delay mechanism on the _Tarantallegra_ spell. Though she always preferred direct confrontation, keeping her prefect badge was crucial in an environment where even sixth years like Mary McDonald were being ritually humiliated for being muggle born. Lily wanted every tool at her disposal to protect her classmates from the Death Eater wannabes.

 

Lily carried on stroking Stanley. His soft feathers were soothing. Once you got used to the smell, the owlery was a peaceful place to be. There was no abusive murmuring about her blood status, no James Potters making themselves the centre of attention, no reminders that there was still one OWL left to take. Even being Professor Slughorn’s favourite - despite the, occasionally exasperated, affection she had for the portly Potions Master - could be a little suffocating. His dogged insistence that she had a high-flying future ahead of her and his constant refusal to accept ‘fighting Voldemort’ as a viable career option was hopelessly naive. If the war was still raging by the time she graduated - and Lily was certain it would be - there was no way in hell she was going to swan off and leave the country to be consumed by darkness. 

 

At age eleven, Lily had fallen madly in love with magic. She’d felt an explosion of possibility at those first words, _“you’re a witch”_. At sixteen, the thrill of mastering spells and discovering her own power hadn’t faded, but as she’d grown she’d seen the injustice that underpinned the structure of the wizarding world: how the very laws of society favoured some magical beings over others and democracy was seen as a laughably disorganized Muggle invention. She wasn’t like those born into wizard families who just accepted the status quo. She wasn’t like those who claimed to despise everything Voldemort stood for whilst blindly espousing the very attitudes that contributed to his rise. She certainly wasn’t like Rodigan who, only yesterday, cheerfully delivered a derogatory punchline about half giants. In response to his disgruntled “It’s just a joke!”, she’d bluntly informed him that their next date was cancelled. 

 

A creek and a bang told her that the door to the owlery had opened. She peered down to the straw-covered floor at its bottom to see who had entered. Jet black hair. Wearing Hogwarts robes on a Sunday. A hooked nose. Lily drew back in a flash.

 

_Is one moment of peace too much to ask for?_

 

“Lily? Is that you?” Severus called up the tower. 

 

Lily began tying the letter to Petunia to Stanley’s leg.

 

“So you’re stalking me now?” She projected her voice, but kept her gaze staunchly on the owl.   
 

“No…well…I’ve been looking for you all morning” He said, straining to see her better. 

 

“Of course you have” Lily muttered darkly. 

 

“Someone said they’d seen you going to post a letter. So I came to the owlery to find you” Severus continued. 

 

A prickle of paranoia made the hairs on the back of Lily’s neck rise.

 

“I know that you’re appalled by me at the moment, but please hear me out. There’s something I need to tell you”

 

Lily let out a bitter groan of frustration. A few nearby owls ruffled their feathers in a huff. She whirled around and leant over the edge of the tall staircase; a wall of red hair hung down before her. 

 

“Let me guess, Sev. You’re sorry? You’ve given up dark magic? You can change? Because I’ve heard it all before and I’m not interested. I'm sick of repeating myself” 

 

Lily noticed he was paler than usual. His robes were creased and she could see what looked like bruising on his thin, white wrists.

 

“It’s nothing like that Lily, I promise. Please will you come down? Or…I’ll come up” His face was beseeching as he looked up at her hopefully.

 

“I’m trying to send some letters if you haven’t noticed” Lily snapped. “Anything you want to tell me you can tell me from down there”

 

“It….it might shock you….”

 

Lily snorted proudly though she felt a faint curl of dread at the words.

 

“After what I saw in that disgusting little book of yours, I don't think anything will shock me ever again. I’m not going to end up fainting and falling to my death in the owlery, don't - ” 

 

“Lupin is a werewolf” The words burst desperately from Severus, cutting her words short. 

 

Whatever she had expected Severus to say, this wasn’t it. Lily froze for a second, but quickly leapt into action. She bounded down the steps, crushing a few vole skulls beneath her trainers in her hurry. The owls she passed began to squawk in an indignant cacophany. On reaching the bottom, she streamed past Severus - who was staring at her with his arms slightly out - and wrenched the main door open. She leaned out, looking back and forward, before slamming it shut. Then out came her wand. 

 

_“Colloportus. Muffliato”_

 

Then she turned to Severus; her back to the door, her bright green eyes wide. 

 

“How did you find out?” She demanded in a low voice.

 

Everything about Severus seemed to droop.

 

“You already knew” He said, a crack to his voice. 

 

“Have you told anyone?” Lily insisted, her face strained with worry now.

 

“All this time, I’ve been searching for the truth….and you’ve known all this time…” Severus spoke as if to himself. His eyes travelled the room but he didn’t seem to take in his surroundings. He was shaking his head, his shoulders sagging. 

 

“Sev, please - _have you told anyone_?” Lily’s mind was racing and her heart was starting to pound. If this information fell into the hands of Mulciber…Avery…that awful clique of seventh years…Remus could be in terrible trouble. 

 

“No one” His ink black eyes met hers and his face was a mask of sadness. “I’ve told no one” 

 

Relief flowed through Lily. She closed her eyes and tipped her head back as her pulse started to slow. 

 

“I wanted to go to you first” Severus said. 

 

Lily’s felt a twinge in her stomach as unbidden memories of their years of inseparability rose inside her. 

 

“Thank you” She said.

 

But Severus’ face had twisted in anger and he didn’t notice the softening of her expression. 

 

“You’ve been in on the secret” He accused, spitting out the words in disgust. “You and Potter!”

 

Lily’s empathy vanished in a flash of fury. Why did it always have to come back to Potter?

 

“Don’t be ridiculous! He has no idea that I know! None of them do!”

 

Severus bit back a retort. Multiple expressions passed over his face as he teetered on the brink of believing her.

 

“Then how did you find out?” He said shortly.

 

“Well…It was just so obvious” 

 

Severus couldn’t help raising a proud eyebrow. “Was it?” He said, barely moving his lips. 

 

“Every month, there was always _something_ ” Lily said. “Some ‘family emergency’ excusing him from Arithmancy…a mysterious illness preventing him from Prefect Duty….I’d always noticed how he was so often under the weather but it was only when we became friends that I understood there was a pattern. I traced his symptoms against the calendar and…” Lily shrugged her shoulders with a sigh. “I mean…his friends call him Moony. _Moony_ , Sev. I knew that story about him flashing his bum to Professor Kettleburn was just Peter Pettigrew spinning stories…”

 

Lily attempted a dry, ironic laugh, but was met with a stony expression. She folded her arms and looked at Severus square on instead. 

 

“He thinks I’m as oblivious about his condition as everyone else seems to be, but I’ve known since Christmas”   
 

“And you didn’t confront him?” 

 

“No” Said Lily testily. “I wanted him to tell me on his own terms. When he was ready”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

 

“Because it’s not any of your business! It’s private to Remus”

 

“We never used to have any secrets from one another” Said Severus, the sadness back in his eyes. 

 

Lily hardened her jaw. She refused to be drawn in this time. 

 

“Well you obviously didn’t need me to tell you, did you? You managed to find out all by yourself. You’ve been spying on him, right? Ever since they changed our timetables?”

 

“No” Dots of colour had risen in Severus’ cheeks. “I saw him. With my own eyes. Transformed.”

 

There was a beat as Lily took this in.

 

“How is that possible?” She said slowly. Though she was standing in a patch of sunlight, goosebumps rose up on her arms.

 

Severus told her the story. He had been right after all - Lily was shocked. By the time Severus reached the part where he entered the Shrieking Shack, she was storming back and forth, disturbing the straw, dust and bones around her feet. In just one night, the lives of her oldest friend and her newest could have been finished. All because of one jumped-up egotist with a power trip problem. He might be a Gryffindor, but he had proved himself to be a member of the ‘Noble and Most Ancient House of Black’ through and through. Lily grabbed her hair in clumps with her fists as she seethed and ranted about Sirius Black. Severus watched her with unconcealed satisfaction at her tirade. But his quiet pleasure faltered at her next question.

 

“How on earth did you get away?”

 

Severus now looked as if he had a bad taste in his mouth. Lily ceased her pacing and looked directly at him, sensing his reticence. 

 

“Tell me” She demanded. 

 

“Potter” Severus forced the word out. “He was in on the plot too, but obviously got cold feet at the last minute. I suppose he didn’t want a contaminated or murdered Slytherin ruining his _glorious Quidditch career_. He put on a show of being cross with Black in front of the professors but I could see through that charade in a heartbeat”  

 

Lily opened her mouth but quickly closed it again. A conceited, narcissistic bully who adored being hero worshipped - sure. But something within Lily told her James Potter wouldn’t commit such a sinister, covert betrayal against a best friend. It just…didn’t feel right. But there was no point enraging Severus even more. Not when there was someone who needed her. 

 

“I’ve got to go and see Remus” 

 

“Good luck finding him” Said Severus in acid tones.

 

“What do you mean?” Said Lily sharply.

 

“I saw him running from the castle across the grounds on my way here”

 

“ _What?_ Where was he going?”

 

“I don’t pretend to understand how Lupin thinks. Perhaps he was returning to the scene of the crime. Or meeting Potter to plan their next move. Or there’s always a chance that he’s just too cowardly to cope and he’s fleeing”

 

“Obviously he’s fleeing!” Snapped Lily. “And don’t you dare call him a coward! This will have broken his heart! He probably thinks that you’re going to tell everyone!” 

 

A silence.

 

“You’re not going to tell everyone, Severus” Lily said. It wasn’t a question. 

 

“Lily, he is a werewolf” Said Severus, his eyes boring into hers. “He shouldn’t be attending a school. It’s breaking the law. He’s _dangerous_ ”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous” Lily snapped. “If anyone is dangerous around here, it’s Sirius Black” 

 

“You weren’t there, Lily! You don’t understand. You didn’t see what I saw. You haven’t had his horrible yellow eyes fixed upon you. No trace of humanity whatsoever - just the will to hunt you down and rip your flesh apart. His strength is unbelievable. And his _speed_ \- ”

 

“That wasn’t Remus” Said Lily, her chin high,

 

“Wasn’t….wasn’t….Of course it was!” He spluttered.

 

Lily was now leaping up the stone steps two at a time, throwing her words back to Severus over her shoulder:

 

“The Remus Lupin I know shares his chocolate with first years when they fall and scrape their knees!” 

 

“It doesn’t matter what he’s doing, the beast is there _all the time_ ” Severus called up to her, watching her like she was insane. “They’re one and the same!” 

 

But Lily was no longer listening. She was formulating a plan. She wouldn’t let Remus be collateral damage.

 

“What are you doing?” Demanded Severus, frustration etched into every one of his features.

 

“I’m going to get him back, of course” Said Lily, who was now heading back down with Stanley perched on her arm.  “Owls can always track their owners right?” 

 

“I…Lily….” Severus was looking from her to the owl incredulously.

 

“Now, Stanley” Lily looked the bird in its perfectly round black eyes and spoke clearly. “We need to find your master. Remus. He’s lost. But you can find him can’t you?”

 

Lily removed her two letters from the owl’s leg and stuffed them back into her pocket. Casting a stretching charm followed by a strengthening charm on the length of string, she then wound it around her own wrist instead. All this complete, she took a deep breath and looked directly at Severus. 

 

“Sev” She said gently “You have to keep Remus’ secret”

 

Severus looked down at his feet. “I don’t owe him anything”

 

“If you won’t do it for him, then please - _please_ \- do it for me” 

 

Lily touched his wrist. He looked at her with all the hope and longing in his heart. She fought the urge to look away. She knew what he wanted and it wasn’t something she could ever give. But she held the gaze and they stood like that until Severus broke the silence. 

 

“You’d never forgive me would you?” He breathed.

 

“I couldn’t forgive that” Lily said quietly. Though it was the truth, it felt wrong - knowing as she did that she was already unable to forgive him: _“I don’t need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!”_

 

“Then I swear to you I won’t” Said Severus.

 

“Thank you” 

 

As she looked into his eyes, she knew the secret was safe with him. There was a lump in her throat and it struck her suddenly that this, this moment, was truly the end. Without knowing what she was about to do it before she did it, she pressed her forehead against Severus’ shoulder, still gripping his wrist. They remained that way frozen for just a few seconds as Lily felt the word ‘goodbye’ die in her throat. Then she broke away and, with Stanley’s talons digging into her skin, went swiftly to the door. 

 

“Lily...wait!”

 

But with a flick of red hair, she was gone. She undid her charms on the door and threw it open, quickly squeezing through the gaggle of confused letter-holding students who had been gathered behind it. 

 

The hot sun hit her skin and the tears that had gathered in the corners of her eyes didn’t fall. Her sense of purpose pushed all other thoughts away. She cast Stanley to the air and he soared up with surprising grace for one so squat and fluffy. The initial swift walk across the grounds went smoothly but Lily soon began to notice that Stanley’s trajectory didn’t seem to be Hogsmeade, or the Shrieking Shack, or even the _mountains_ but…the Forbidden Forest. 

 

The string connected to her wrist tugged her closer and closer to the dark clustered trees. The more logical part of her brain began to reassert itself as the flaws in her plan started to become apparent. Exactly how much of a head start did Remus have exactly? Wouldn’t fetching a broomstick have been more sensible than following an owl on foot? She stopped at the brink of the woodland, gingerly looking about her for any sign of the other prefects, or the teachers, or Hagrid. But no, she was alone. She thought suddenly of her first ever feast at Hogwarts. She remembered the stories of the Forbidden Forest that had thrilled and intrigued her in equal measure. _“There are hodags and chimaeras and werewolves in there”_ an eleven year old Sirius Black had said, his dark eyes flashing with the pleasure of trying to frighten her. Werewolves? Well she was really only after the one. Stanley was pulling on her wrist. She could see him flapping up ahead, making small hoots of command. Her hesitation was broken by one sudden, crystal clear thought:

 

_If James Potter could face a transformed werewolf, she’d be damned if she wasn’t going to face this…_

 

With one last look behind her, Lily stepped into the forest. She had never felt so much like a Gryffindor in her life - brave, but really bloody stupid. The air temperature immediately dropped amongst the dense trees. Picking up her feet, she made her way deeper. Any semblance of a path soon disappeared as the, now unseen, owl led her on. Was Stanley increasing his pace? Lily prayed that the owl’s homing instinct was true and he wasn’t simply about to dive-bomb for a tasty-looking baby rabbit.

 

As the forest thickened, a disconcerting sensation of being watched grew. Lily steeled herself, running every defensive spell she knew through her mind, and tightened her grip on her wand. Brambles scraped her skin, drawing beads of blood across her arms, and she found herself squeezing through tight gaps between trees and crashing through huge leafy bows. Lily felt her breath getting heavier as she struggled on through the undergrowth and the string started to repeatedly snag on the tough branches above. Suddenly, there was a riot of terrible clicking and scurrying and a hairy eight-legged _something_ was hurtling towards her out of the trees. 

 

“ _Stupefy_!” She cried and the creature was blasted back where it had come from.

 

Shaken but exhilarated, Lily pushed on faster now. Her muscles ached with the effort of running but the thought of Remus alone somewhere in the forest spurred her on. Then she found herself stumbling through a particularly profuse thicket. Panting with effort, she lost her balance slightly before bursting through a wall of brambles. Half-falling into a small clearing, she stopped short, leaves and twigs flying everywhere all around her.

 

From between her knotted hair, she could see a bizarre still-life. Remus Lupin sat on a tree stump with Stanley - hooting happily - perched beside him. One of his hands was frozen in the middle of tightening a bandage around his wrist, the other was pointing his wand at the thick hedge Lily had just emerged through. His face was stricken with absolute bewilderment. Lily bent forward, clutching her knees and fighting for breath. Her skin was stinging from thorns and nettles whilst her hair was heavy with tangled sticks.

 

“Remus Lupin” She announced with a dry throat, though a relieved, triumphant grin was spreading over her face “Never. Make me run. Ever. Again”

 

“Lily!” Remus was struggling to his feet, his face still completely dazed. “What the…what are you doing here?!”

 

“I’m asking the questions here, Lupin” She attempted a stern tone but it came out as a wheeze. “Such as, where the hell do you think you’re going? ” 

 

“I’m leaving”

 

Lily let out an indignant spluttering laugh. She straightened up, one hand on a stitch above her left hip. “To become a man of the woods?”

 

Remus blinked at her. “You shouldn’t have come here” He said. “I mean I....I’m touched that you came looking for me, I really am…I’m not really sure what to say.” Remus swallowed. “But you have to go back. It’s not safe for you here in the forest”

 

“I’ve managed fine so far” She countered, pulling a bramble from her hair. “Besides, you’re out here in the forest” 

 

“It’s different for me” He said quietly. “Listen…I don’t know what you’ve heard back at the castle but…if you knew the full story you wouldn’t have come. Especially not alone”

 

“Friends don’t let other friends throw their lives away” She said.

 

An unreadable look crossed Remus’ face. It was something like longing.

 

“But I’m not the friend…not the _person_ …you think I am” Said Remus. 

 

Each word seemed to cause him pain. Lily looked back at him, forcing herself to stay silent though her heart ached, as he braced himself for his own next words. Remus shuffled backwards a little. He was breathing deeply and looking down at his feet, until he mustered a great effort to look her straight in the face. 

 

“I’m a werewolf” He spoke the words as if pronouncing his own death sentence.

 

Though multiple emotions were boiling inside her - compassion for her friend’s terrible situation, worry for his mental and physical state, joy that he had finally told her the truth on his own terms - she shaped her face into the plainest, least horrified, expression she could muster.

 

“Yes” She said simply. 

 

“I’m a _werewolf_ , Lily! A werewolf!” He repeated wildly, as if she hadn’t heard him.

 

“Yes” She said again. There was another lump in her throat, but her eyes were bright.

 

“I - I turn into a monster once a month”

 

“I know what a - ”

 

“I’m dangerous, Lily!”

 

The corners of Lily’s mouth twitched. “I’m quaking” 

 

“It’s not a joke” He said in a strained whisper.

 

“No, it’s not.” Lily dropped her smile but she raised her chin confidently. “What is a joke is the fact that you think me knowing you’re a werewolf would result in me hating you. Or fearing you. You’re still the same person to me, Remus.”

 

“How? How can I still be the same person to you?” He asked, his voice uncharacteristically unsteady with agitation. “Yesterday I was Remus Lupin the Gryffindor prefect; the person you share an Arithmancy desk with. Today I’m Remus Lupin the dark creature who’d kill you as soon as look at you once a month!” 

 

“You’ve actually been both of those things to me for a while now”

 

A silence. Broken only by the ruffling of Stanley’s feathers and the rustling of the leaves above them.

 

“I figured out you were a werewolf over the Christmas holidays” Lily continued.

 

Remus’ mouth fell open. 

 

“That…that was _six months ago_ ”

 

“It was” Said Lily, with a proud nod. 

 

“But you never said…” Remus whispered, putting a hand to his mouth.

 

“I wanted to wait until you were ready to tell me of your own free will” Lily stepped closer to him and pushed on, taking advantage of his stunned silence. 

 

“No one is coming after you with torches and pitchforks. It’s just the rescue party” She gestured down at her dishevelled self with a wry smile.

 

“The only students at Hogwarts that know your secret are me, Severus and those three insufferable best mates of yours. And that’s how it’s going to stay. Sev won’t tell anyone, I’ve made sure of it. I know that you’re probably running a little low on trust right now, but you can trust _me_ ”

 

Remus simply stared.

 

“Trust me” She said softly. 

 

His face white, Remus suddenly began to sway alarmingly.

 

“Oh Merlin, Remus, I’m sorry!” Lily went to him and steadied him with her hands on his shoulders. “I should have - wait, where are your _shoes_?”

 

“Err…I left them behind” Said Remus, shakily. 

 

“Along with your brain apparently! Sit down!”

 

Lily pulled him down to the forest floor and they sat there together. 

 

“How could Sirius Black have done this to you” Lily said bitterly, her earlier anger bubbling back up again as she surveyed Remus’ bloodied pyjamas.

 

“What else could I expect?” Remus whispered. “How could he ever really understand?” His voice was thick. “He - none of them - will ever know what it’s like to have the change hanging over you every second of every day. To know that you’re going to lose your mind, lose your body, to this _thing_ that would slaughter anyone it came across. He’ll never have to live with the responsibility of that. Sirius and James and Peter, they can take for granted everything that I can’t. They have control over their lives; they can be whoever they want to be. They can choose career paths, communities….”, Remus paused and sighed, “…relationships”

 

“You can have those things too” Lily’s green eyes shone with feeling. It was the resignation in Remus’ voice - his absolute certainty in the veracity of what he was saying - that broke her heart the most.

 

“No” Remus ran his hands through his hair. “No” He said again.

 

“There will be love in your life too one day. I know it.” Said Lily fervently.

 

Remus shook his head bitterly. “No one in their right mind would want a life with me. Any girl would be disgusted by the idea and they’d be right”

 

“Don’t say that!” Lily shook him. “You are worthy of love. Being a werewolf doesn’t change that!” 

 

Lily seized his face and fiercely kissed the side of his cheek, pressing her lips against his unhealed cut. Then she seized the ends of the bandage at his wrist and began to tighten them, ignoring the blood that seeped under her nails. Remus seemed unable to speak.

 

“It’s not you that’s the problem - it’s the whole wizarding world that’s the problem!” She said furiously. “Listen to me - you’re wrong. You’re wrong because you deserve the same life and the same opportunities as everyone else. But you’re also wrong because none of us are going to have normal lives. We won’t have control over our careers, or our communities, or our relationships if we let the murdering fanatics out there win”

 

The blush from where Lily had kissed him faded, and a set expression settled on Remus’ face.

 

“I’m going to fight” He said steadily.

 

“So am I” She said.

 

Almost unconsciously they grasped hands and squeezed tight. They sat there, each lost in their own thoughts. Feeling anything but sixteen.  

 

“But you know what we have to do first?” Lily said, breaking the silence. 

 

“What?”

 

“Finish school, you prat!” She said, elbowing him. 

 

Remus smiled and let out a breath.

 

“I wasn’t actually intending to live in the forest, you know” He said.

 

“Oh, really? What exactly was your ingenious plan?”

 

“I tried to catch the Hogwarts Express to London” 

 

“ _What_?”

 

“Yes. Sirius was on board. It ended with me breaking his nose and him pushing me out of a moving train” Said Remus plainly.

 

Lily let out an explosive laugh. “Sorry!” She said. She tried to muffle it but chuckles continued from between her fingers. “It’s not funny. It’s just…why are you 'Marauders' so bloody dramatic?”

 

Remus couldn’t help it - a laugh escaped him too and they grinned at each other. 

 

“Wait - what’s that noise” Said Lily, frowning and looking up to the sky. 

 

There was an odd whooping noise coming from somewhere above the forest. It was getting louder.

 

“It sounds like - ”

 

“MOOOOONYYYY” 

 

“ - James!”

 

“The hero of the hour” Said Lily, getting to her feet, with a gentle dose of sarcasm.

 

She sent red sparks up with her wand and craned her neck, but there was no sight of any broomstick. Lily went right to the edge of the clearing and squinted on tip toes, but she still couldn’t see anything. Then, all at once, the branches above Remus shook and scattered leaves floated down to the forest floor. Lily whirled around and saw James Potter appearing out of nowhere. He stood in the middle of the clearing with his back to her, looking down at Remus with a broomstick in one hand and a strange, silvery cloak in the other.

 

“You ran away” James said, slowly.

 

“Er - ” Remus started.

“ _You ran away_?!” James repeated. “There I was - having a peaceful nap in my bed after McGonagall practically force-fed me a sleeping draught - and I get woken up by Sirius - covered in blood - yelling at me through the two-way mirror ‘Moony’s lost and alone in the Forbidden Forest, go and rescue him!’” James took a breath and looked at Remus incredulously. “You’re supposed to be the sensible one! What have you got to say for yourself?

 

“I’m not lost” Said Remus mildly. 

 

James looked at him for a moment. Then his broomstick and cloak fell to the forest floor and in one swift movement, James had wrapped Remus up in a tight bear hug.

 

“I’m so fucking glad you’re okay” James said into Remus’ shoulder. 

 

Lily watched them as they clung to each other, unsure how to draw attention to herself. Seeing James Potter in a peculiarly tender moment - or indeed any moment in which he wasn’t grandstanding or pulling some sort of prank - put her on the back foot. James drew back and pulled a bar of chocolate out of his jeans pocket. 

 

“And I’m not alone either” Remus said, as he gratefully accepted the Honeyduke’s bar. 

 

Lily cleared her throat. James’ head snapped towards her.

 

“Woah…Evans?!” James’ hand went instantly to his hair, which unbalanced him from his kneeling position. Lily saw Remus concealing a smile.

 

“Cool dungarees” Said James, his voice almost an octave lower than it had been. “What are you…err…doing here?”

 

“The same reason as you, I imagine. Stopping Remus from making a huge mistake”

 

“How did you find him? You…” James looked at the string and traced it with his eyes from Stanley’s leg perched on the tree stump to Lily’s wrist. “You used Stanley to track him” He said slowly, answering his own question. 

 

Lily inclined her head.

 

“That’s some nice marauding, Evans” He said, impressed.

 

“I know. Pity that overpriced broom didn’t get you here on time, Potter”

 

James grinned, then looked back and forth between Remus and Lily.

 

“Sooo…I’m guessing it’s safe to say that Remus here isn't just having an acute pre-Transfiguration exam meltdown?”

 

“Lily knows I’m a werewolf” Supplied Remus, giving Lily that same look of grateful disbelief as before.

 

“Well” Said James, digesting this piece of information. “Welcome to the club. I like to call it his furry little problem” 

 

“I prefer to think of it as his four-legged monthly visitor”

 

James laughed again. It was a warm laugh: absent were the usual tones of triumph or mockery that Lily so despised.

 

“I can’t believe you’ve stolen to my role as rescuer, Evans” He said, eyes glinting. “To think, I’ve been rehearsing my inspirational speech all the way over here but I bet you’ve already beaten me on that too right?” 

 

“Accept defeat, Potter” Lily said. When she realised she was smiling, she crossed her arms haughtily. He was still James Potter. 

 

James grinned at her, before wrenching his gaze back to Remus. He pulled him up to standing and checked his dressings gently. 

 

“James” Said Remus, gripping his arm, his eyes fixed on his friend. “What you did...”

 

James shuffled his feet. “Mate…don’t mention it…”

 

“I’ll never forget it” Said Remus ardently. “You knew what could have happened…you could have died…or been bitten down in the tunnel...but you went anyway. You saved us”

 

Lily stared. If he’d scored a hat trick against Ravenclaw, James Potter would be crowing and bragging for the whole school to hear but now…now that he’d done something actually heroic…he seemed embarrassed. It was surreal. 

 

“You would have done the same for me” James said, putting a hand on Remus’ shoulder, as if that settled the matter.

 

“ _Thank you_ ” Said Remus. 

 

“Don’t thank me…I’ve been thinking…” James’ hand was in his hair again. “I…err…I haven’t exactly covered myself in glory this year. In fact, I’m starting to think you’ve been right about me all along, Evans”

 

Lily jumped. Of all the unexpected things to have happened to her that day, this one felt the strangest. 

 

“Well…at least you didn’t try to use Remus to murder someone” She said stiffly.

 

“Speaking of Sirius, he wasn’t looking too pretty” Said James, turning back to Remus. “I didn’t think you had it in you mate...”

 

“Pff he deserved it!” Interjected Lily. “He’ll be lucky if Remus even speaks to him ever again”

 

“One step at a time, eh?” Said James, still looking at Remus. 

 

The first literal step forward proved a little too much and Remus’ legs buckled. Lily and James caught him on both sides, supporting his weight. 

 

“Right, you need bed. Let’s go.” Said James, suddenly businesslike.

 

James held out a hand and his broom leapt to attention, hovering in the air before them. He mounted it and Lily helped Remus on behind him. Then she scooped up Stanley and, pulling the connective string off her wrist, placed him gently on Remus’ shoulder.

 

“Fancy a lift, Evans?” Said James, his brown eyes sparkling. When this was met with stubborn silence, he raised his eyebrows. “Oh come on, I’m not leaving you in the forest to become an acromantula’s Sunday lunch” 

 

Lily had to see his point. “Fine” She conceded. “But, for the record, this is the first and last time I will ever get onto your broom” 

 

James muttered something that sounded suspiciously like “We’ll see about that” when she settled herself behind Remus. He spread the great cloak out over them. 

 

“Count yourself lucky Evans, only my closest friends get to go underneath my invisibility cloak - it’s a privilege”

 

“I’m honoured” Said Lily. Though her tone was sardonic, the truth was that she was impressed. The cloak was shining and felt almost like liquid. How was James Potter lucky enough to possess something like this? 

 

“Okay, everyone holding on?” said James. “With any luck, Remus, we’ll be able to post you back through the very same Hospital Wing window you jumped out of - I presume that’s how you made your great escape - and the dear staff of Hogwarts will be none the wiser”  
 

James pushed up off the forest floor and the broom zoomed upwards. The speed took Lily’s breath away as the small party emerged through the canopy and up into the bright sky above. But instead of the death-defying swoops she imagined, James flew smoothly. Despite her determined aversion to the mode, Lily found the flight surprisingly pleasant. The blue sky lay open before them as they soared freely towards the castle. She felt the cool softness of the cloak on her skin and could see brilliant white clouds gathering over the mountains in the distance.

 

Lily sat poised and at ease, her hair blowing out behind her, as she and James took Remus home. 

 

—————The End——————-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: That’s it! My first ever fanfiction is complete! 
> 
> What did you think? If you get a chance I’d love to hear your opinion in a comment (even if you are reading this at some random point in the future - your views are still very welcome!)
> 
> Happy June everyone! 
> 
> Taura x


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